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Many Summers Past

Many summers past, we were standing,
for each other’s dates anxiously waiting.
it was then our eyes did glance,
and their arrival we forgot, perchance.

it was then your eyes transfixed mine,
yes it was within our domain, we felt fine,
we stared and glanced and blushed,
at each other’s arms, naturally we rushed.
it was at the spur of moment God granted,
it was our union for ever which was supplanted.

That moment we still remember even now,
it’s good our meeting was fortunate somehow.
ever since we have always remained merged,
totally in each other’s concern submerged.

Still today you know, we remember that hour,
we spent in the drizzling or rainy shower,
when we joined for a long communication,
truly it was meant to be a lasting association...

It was the best of our life’s moments,
passed we have through many a torments,
though it was over a few decades away,
but it still seems as if ‘twas just yesterday.

Yes, many years have lapsed away.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Bit of a break in style? Well done with the constraints of your chosen structure.

Tim

proof of the pudding lies in its eating
this poem archaic style as of now was composed in 2009 on yahoo
Thereafter I chased many not to stray on dried up tracks
Compose a poem like I do
FREESTYLE
Much opposition on my pathway landed
I slanted gave them more time till today

Now you see more newer generation guys
LOVE FREE STYLE
time is a limitation now
It was not then
nothing much to do
except learn counting of syllables
just passing time

I added natural rhyme
Did I commit a crime...
TIM

author comment

Although standing and waiting both have an [ing] ending, they do not sound the same.
Our eyes did glance? Where were they glancing? The meter is rough.
I know you can do better. I am glad to see that you have tried to work with rhyming
and it has a lot of potential. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

This poem was composed in 2009 via yahoo.Sir Richard Harris
then a renowned Aussie poet
just picked it up and edited it
We had no connection ......I thought you'd wish to know.

author comment

Hello, Lovedly,
"Still today you know, we remember that hour,
we spent in the drizzling or rainy shower."

Every once in a while, you use such romantic language in your poetry. This is a tender memory.
Lav

appreciating on their part
Like you have
Lav
Thanks

author comment
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