To rise each day, use a curtain alarm,
it saves you from pain and personal harm.
Allows you to arrive at unhurried pace,
and celebrate slowly, coming last in the race.
Each morning a comedy, free of ill humours,
Secured in whispers, not celebrity rumours.

With stories unfolding, innuendos expand,
And every reporter, shakes dysentery hand,
To chat over cow muck, the snake oil salesman,
In game of banter, to buy and sell you again.
But I’m as happy as shit on a rock,
Late out of bed, daylight savings o’clock.