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Taken
After the food,
and family,
and laughter,
we walked
Thanksgiving
afternoon
along the creekside path.
And while we chatted,
a sharp-shinned hawk
gave chase to a screeching sparrow,
finally seizing it,
pinning it to the ground
before taking it to a high tree
where it ripped off one feather after another -
and as we watched,
we felt the weight of
the history of our country,
the beginning, when
lives were seized, pulled apart,
and taken away, like so many
feathers, plucked and scattered by the wind.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Much to think about centered around a national holiday.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2023-11-25 23:44
While I thoroughly...
enjoyed the story, I was thrown a bit by the abrupt switch to thoughts of past violence/wars. I think it needs something to join the two segments together. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 16:59
Hello, Geezer,
This is in homage to the Indigenous people of North America. Although I am extremely grateful for my precious life and loved ones, the history of the beginning of our nation requires a time of reflection on Thanksgiving. I intentionally wanted the poem to feel as abrupt as possible - raw.
Thank you so much for reading, and I will take your suggestion into thought!
L
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-11-26 05:41
Geezer has a point
It shifts gears quickly. I’m not sure I’m looking to change that though. I think maybe it appeals to my sense of brutal honesty. Ever learn about the “King Phillips War”? Massachusetts and Rhode Island were a blood bath.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:07
Hello, Tim,
I am so happy to "see" you! Yes, I've studied King Philip's War. Just as you've stated - a blood bath, as was the beginning of our countryhood. So much to think about on such a dedicated holiday as Thanksgiving.
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentRuby Lord
Sun, 2023-11-26 08:40
The narrative caught me off
The narrative caught me off guard, it hit home like a bloody hammer to the skull and left me silent, to think.
Great job, Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:10
Hello, Ruby,
I am always grateful for your comments. The reflection in the poem was to cause a pause, and if it did for you, then I am glad.
Thank you, Ruby!
L
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-11-26 09:23
Dear Lavender,
I think your poem is fine as it is. I love how it abruptly turns to mayhem and murder. It is impactful the way it is! Life can turn on a dime, and often does... Great metaphor!
*ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:15
Hello, Cat,
Yes, life can certainly change on a dime. I tried to convey the comparison of the sparrow to the Indigenous people of North America. But your interpretation is striking, also.
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:22
Yes...
I can see it through the eyes of what you intended... I like to keep track and read all the comments on poems I find of great interest.
*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:25
Thanks, Cat!
xxx
author commentRoseBlack
Sun, 2023-11-26 13:50
I like this a lot
I agree with Cat in that life does change abruptly and I think your poem combined those elements well. A peaceful walk disturbed by the abrasive, murderous nature of the hawk..much like our society in where one moment we are having dinner with our families and the next minute one of us is hit by a stray bullet or act of violence etc. perhaps the transition could be a little smoother but I really like how the reader feels the change as we would feel it in real life.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:18
Hello, Carrie,
Always grateful for your take! I completely understand your interpretation, and can imagine those very thoughts and fears of the North American natives at that time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
L
author commentTriskelion
Sun, 2023-11-26 14:01
I read this as..
..a measure of regard for past actions against the Indigenous people of North America...beautifully written! Happy Thanksgiving.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-26 17:23
Hello, Thomas,
My daughter and I were walking along the path, and this happened about 10 feet in front of us. The symbolism was so undeniable. Thank you for your warm wishes, and thanks for reading and sharing!
Best to you!
L
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