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his love for her
love has no permanency
anyone can at any time leave
believe or disbelieve
love is just a notional breeze
that temporarily does freeze
but if you are so sure
she loves you
and
your rosy petals more
enjoy the wait
as she will come
keep decorating your gate
she loves roses
more than a silly date
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
Keith Logan
Sun, 2016-05-08 08:02
Good imaginative write
but I'm not sure the last four lines add anything worthwhile to the picture.
I do see that you are trying to contrast the notional modern woman with the traditional role but that line "women are now not like socks pair" simply jars with me. Maybe something like "women are not only fair" or "women are fully aware." It's not enough for the writer to know what he means but he must communicate it clearly to the reader.
PS: on the next line I would swap now and they,
men, they now daily dare...
Keith Logan
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lovedly
Mon, 2016-05-09 01:00
and thank u
but yahoo
says this site is now dangerous
as the revised certificate of regn etc is not okay
please check and let all know friend
author commentlovedly
Mon, 2016-05-09 10:53
waiting other bolder
statements
then shall declare
what u want to share
author commentjudyanne
Mon, 2016-05-16 02:12
my take?
after I've removed the waffle (imo of course)
love has no permanency
anyone can at any time leave
believe or disbelieve
love is just a notional breeze
that temporarily freezes
but if you are so sure
she loves you
and
your rosy petals more
enjoy the wait
as she will come
keep decorating your gate
she loves roses
more than a silly date
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
lovedly
Mon, 2016-05-16 04:31
so kind are you to waffler me
I assure you from NEO
I shall never flee
as long as you waffle
Ah !
but not with me
thanks Judy
your are really kindly
to a waffler that I be
Slice all of it
as innate waffler
I don't want to be
lovedly
author commentmand
Mon, 2016-05-16 08:39
Everything comes to he who
Everything comes to he who waits - but there is no harm in helping it to come sooner, by planting a rose garden ( metaphorically speaking ) - and when it comes grab it while you can!
( This is how I interpreted your thought provoking poem )
Well done - nice poem - nice sentiments
Love Mand xxxx
lovedly
Mon, 2016-05-16 09:23
each one of us must... and as we have a mind of our own
your interpretation is renowned
Thanks mand
see how poetry arouses human emotion
and
tears wash away all commotion
mine and yours
in poetry all must
place full devotion
still each one is entitled to
one's own
salvation!
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