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fools in a paradise

Submitted by lovedly on Thu, 2015-04-09 11:38

We all live
in a fool's paradise
believe me
It is only a mental surmise

so rise
to the occurrence of today
tomorrow may come

It may not...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Sat, 2015-04-11 01:35

judyanne's picture
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The first part repeats the thought - we live in a fools paradise/there is no paradise....(waffle)
and imo, it needs stanza breaks

we all live
in a fool's paradise
believe me
It is only a mental surmise

so rise
to the occurrence of today
tomorrow may come

It may not...

Totally imo only, remember
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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