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Dreaming to Read (Edit Grace ma'am)

Submitted by lovedly on Sun, 2020-05-31 13:21

I dreamed I’m going beyond
how far much further more than that
I found myself screaming
how can I go beyond
what will happen to those
who of me are fond

I shall not go so far
unknown distance near
an unknown star

then I screamed

I have come so far
this much
how far is yet more
I rushed back to my
living family pond
promised myself
I shall not go yonder
than this

what will happen to those
of whom I am fond
I can handle them as of now
I am still around
they can fondly
still hug and handle me

ere I finally go the very far distance
where and how much far is that
‘tis beyond me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Hug and hold the soft hands of those who are still living Who knows what lies beyond the mystery may be of nothing living
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

lovedly

Tue, 2020-06-02 11:05

lovedly's picture

beyond time
and rhyme

author comment

lovedly

Thu, 2020-06-04 09:31

lovedly's picture

Ma'am Grace has yet to read it
INSPIRED
by her poem
I want to hold his hand
'tis emotionally lovely
do read it kindly

author comment

Gracy

Thu, 2020-06-04 10:11

Gracy's picture
Volunteer badge

Dear lovedly, I simply love your poem. I'm so sorry I never thanked my parents for the great way they taught me to love poetry, stories, growing veggies and flowers, etc. I've made some suggestions below for you to TorT.

I dreamed I’m going beyond
how far much (further) [more than that]
(then) I found myself screaming
how can I go beyond
what will happen to those
who of me (here) are fond

(so) I shall not go (so) far
unknown distance near
an unknown star

I think you could tweak a few more words, but I don't want to meddle in your personal style, which speaks so much of your kind and loving heart. Enjoyed and gave lots to think about. All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

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