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BURN UNIT

Welcome to the 5th floor burn unit,
UCSD Medical Center.
This is the sign you pass,
As you enter.

They ask what happened,
How did you get burned?
They do this all with
Care and concern.

On a scale of 1 to 10,
Where is your level of pain?
I'm cussing, swearing,
I cry and complain.

They sweep me away to a place,
They call wound care.
Nothing here is familiar,
I'm not yet aware.

Wound care is a special place,
Full of pain and narcotics.
Stool softeners and I.V.'s with
Liquid antibiotics.

They scrub the burns with
Soap and water.
It's like leading the lamb
To the slaughter.

The cries and screams,
You can hear down the halls.
They bounce and echo
Off the walls.

You end up in a realm of awe,
For the angels that work in this place.
The scrubbing of the burns,
You learn to embrace.

This is where you find out,
You have nerves of steel.
There is a method to the magic,
In this place to heal.

Turbo1904 ♥

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Delete the [the] in the first line, you don't need it

add a syllable like [first] to the last line of first stanza "This is the first sign you pass"

Rewrite third line of 2nd stanza to say: "They do all this with"

"What's your level of pain?"

"They take me to a place"

Rethink your lines with an eye to meeting a certain beat/syllable count!
I like the story and think it's worth telling in a fashion that doesn't leave you stumbling.

You have a talent for good visuals. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I see that Geezer has gotten here before me, and given you Masterful advice. this is written with the mind of a professional. I really liked it. my favorite lines are:

This is where you find out,
You have nerves of steel.
There is a method to the magic,
In this place to heal.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Having worked in a Burn Unit (we called it the BICU), your piece was more than interesting to read!

My role was doing lung inspection procedures, and as such I didn’t spend hours and hours in the BICU. I always, always felt empathetic towards the patient population. As well, towards the full time staff. What a very very tough place to work in, and to be a patient in.

You piece reached me, and I am now remembering many of those experiences.

Paticularily this verse of yours:
The cries and screams,
You can hear down the halls.
They bounce and echo
Off the walls.

There is no exaggeration in that stanza. Indeed, you have clearly presenced a BICU.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Thank you. I recently experienced a trip to the burn unit. I was a patient there for six days. I went back and took a couple dozen red roses, some strawberries dipped in chocolate. Thanked them over and over. I spilled hot boiling water on me. It was not fun. I know I screamed and cried when they scrubbed my burns. Amazing group of people. All front-line workers. You guys are like real-time angels. Thank you again.
Best Wishes,
Turbo1904

author comment

If you were to copy your fine piece, and mail it to the Nurse Manager of your burn unit, I’m certain she would appreciate the reading of this poem. He or She could then post the poem in the staff break room for all to read.

It was really good of you to take the treats to the unit. Certainly those were appreciated.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Hi, I took it to the triage unit and the nurse's station in the burn unit. We hugged, they said they miss me, I told them I missed them too. I took Roses, some chocolates and the poem. I went there again last week; I had an appointment. They have the poem framed and up on the wall. They said there is one in the break room. I think about those people and that place every day.

Best Wishes,
Turbo1904

author comment

of the balance I spoke of in my previous comments; per "The Night of the Party". ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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