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Gone...
MY eyes/ DON'T see /YOU where /YOU used /TO be [Iambic-pentameter]
YOUR face/ IS not/ SO clear/ NOW as/ IT was/ BE/fore
do NOT/ think BAD/ of ME/ forGIVE [trochee-tetrameter
Tell ME/ that THIS/ shall PASS/ aWAY
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This is written for Barbara's Meter workshop. It is also a catharsis. I had to give my dog Dancer away, and after writing this, I finally cried.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2012-03-22 14:03
Thanks Lonnie...
I thought that the title was appropriate. Everytime I look for her, she's gone. Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Esker
Fri, 2012-03-23 21:37
wow Geezer
a tough decision and a great poem all in one
I hear and feel for you about Dancer!
my chum at work had to put his puppy down
a shitzu she helped him walk again after
his back surgery and depression..Got him
into taking her for her walks...Dogs just
know.. This poem is like something from
the old Tombstones of old either in Europe or
of the american west
I guess cause its genuine
Again sorry about this Geezer
amazing poem
Thank You!
Geezer
Tue, 2012-03-27 19:38
Thanks...
I know that it was for the best, but it still hurts. She has a nice new home with a fenced-in-back yard, a companion dog for company and people that will take very good care of her. I also have visiting privilages,[ that I haven't taken advantage of yet, because I don't want to upset her transition.]. I will see her some time soon though, I have to bring some things over to them for her. [Shampoo and such]. Thanks for the commiseration, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Fri, 2012-03-23 22:43
Hi Geeze
I think you have the iambic and trochaic labeled ack bassward lol. But the poem was good in describing Any type of loss where one keeps forgetting the departed is no longer there.............stan
loved
Fri, 2012-03-23 23:19
I know not much of poetic tetrametry,but
....Tell ME/ that THIS/ shall PASS/ aWAY....
Yes this too will pass away
like all things
since yesterday ,
today
and
tomorrow
that'll bring
loved