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Gone...

Submitted by Geezer on Thu, 2012-03-22 09:03

MY eyes/ DON'T see /YOU where /YOU used /TO be [Iambic-pentameter]

YOUR face/ IS not/ SO clear/ NOW as/ IT was/ BE/fore

do NOT/ think BAD/ of ME/ forGIVE [trochee-tetrameter

Tell ME/ that THIS/ shall PASS/ aWAY

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is written for Barbara's Meter workshop. It is also a catharsis. I had to give my dog Dancer away, and after writing this, I finally cried.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2012-03-22 14:03

Geezer's picture
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I thought that the title was appropriate. Everytime I look for her, she's gone. Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee

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author comment

Esker

Fri, 2012-03-23 21:37

Esker's picture

a tough decision and a great poem all in one
I hear and feel for you about Dancer!

my chum at work had to put his puppy down
a shitzu she helped him walk again after
his back surgery and depression..Got him
into taking her for her walks...Dogs just
know.. This poem is like something from
the old Tombstones of old either in Europe or
of the american west

I guess cause its genuine

Again sorry about this Geezer
amazing poem

Thank You!

Geezer

Tue, 2012-03-27 19:38

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I know that it was for the best, but it still hurts. She has a nice new home with a fenced-in-back yard, a companion dog for company and people that will take very good care of her. I also have visiting privilages,[ that I haven't taken advantage of yet, because I don't want to upset her transition.]. I will see her some time soon though, I have to bring some things over to them for her. [Shampoo and such]. Thanks for the commiseration, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2012-03-23 22:43

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I think you have the iambic and trochaic labeled ack bassward lol. But the poem was good in describing Any type of loss where one keeps forgetting the departed is no longer there.............stan

loved

Fri, 2012-03-23 23:19

loved's picture

....Tell ME/ that THIS/ shall PASS/ aWAY....

Yes this too will pass away
like all things
since yesterday ,
today
and
tomorrow
that'll bring

loved

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