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Traveling Man...

I'm footsore and weary,
upon the road again
Through blazing heat and dust
drenched with cold and frozen rain

Many miles I've traveled,
up mountains and over hills
always keep on moving
I am looking for new thrills

What is on the other side,
around the next blind bend?
I wonder; keep on walking
is there ever any end?

Blue skies are never promised
but I keep looking for,
whatever treasures hidden
because I've always wanted more

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Traveling Man" effectively uses imagery and metaphors to convey the theme of a continuous journey. The use of physical elements like "blazing heat and dust" and "cold and frozen rain" adds a layer of realism to the poem, making the reader feel the protagonist's struggle.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and rhyme. For instance, the second and fourth lines of each stanza could have a similar number of syllables to create a more rhythmic flow. Additionally, the rhyme scheme seems to vary between stanzas, which can disrupt the reader's engagement.

The last stanza introduces a new element - the "truth of what you say". The sudden introduction of another character or voice might confuse the reader as it deviates from the established theme of a solitary journey. It might be beneficial to introduce this element earlier in the poem or provide more context to maintain thematic consistency.

The question "is there ever any end?" effectively conveys the protagonist's curiosity and restlessness. However, the poem could explore this existential question more deeply, perhaps by incorporating more introspective elements or metaphors.

Lastly, the use of clichés like "looking for new thrills" and "blue skies are never promised" could be replaced with more original expressions to enhance the poem's uniqueness and emotional impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I was with you all the way...right until the last verse. I think it is the last two lines that feel awkward.
a n excellent entry, good luck.

*hugs, Cat

*
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author comment

much better. the changes make a big difference!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I always appreciate your input. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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