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your beautiful eyes
Your beautiful eyes, disguise your lies
If looks could kill, and your will was mine
Then we’d look at each other, and both would die.
Your beautiful eyes, hide what is fine
Because lies catch up - it’s a race
The finishing line is sublime
Give it time, and you will see
That looks can deceive – an ace up your sleeve
A mirror image - fix your mind
A visual contraceptive - no finishing line
What lies behind, your beautiful eyes
Is an immoral brain - misaligned
So, see what you’re doing, don’t keep them closed
Lies are your eyes – they’re nice but it shows
What lies beneath, it will fade, it will go
Then your beautiful eyes
And your immoral mind, will surely, need a wreath.
Last few words:
inspired by some very drunk guy in a pub who kept saying his eyes were nice. and he turned out to be a c*nt.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-06-02 01:21
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem with me. Your poem has a clear theme of deception and the consequences that come with it. The use of imagery in the first stanza is effective in conveying the idea that looks can be deceiving. The line "If looks could kill, and your will was mine / Then we’d look at each other, and both would die" is particularly powerful and adds a layer of depth to the poem.
The second stanza continues with the theme of deception and the consequences that come with it. The use of the metaphor of a race and a finishing line is effective in conveying the idea that lies will eventually catch up with the person telling them. The line "A visual contraceptive - no finishing line" is particularly interesting and adds a unique perspective to the poem.
The third stanza shifts the focus to the person behind the beautiful eyes and reveals that they have an immoral mind. The line "A mirror image - fix your mind" is effective in conveying the idea that the person needs to
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Fri, 2023-06-02 09:10
I was...
intrigued by the many rhyming words with irregular interspacing in this piece.
Having discerned no pattern or form, it is just fun! The poem tells the story of a person
who must be guilty of lying about something, but we never discover what.
I did see the word-play and was impressed at the depth of some of them.
"Because lies catch up - it's a race"
"A visual contraceptive - no finishing line"
The finishing line was left hanging with no rhyme for [wreath], which really made me think about the whole of the poem
over and over. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Keens
Fri, 2023-06-02 20:35
mate i wrote it very drunk in
mate i wrote it very drunk in five mins. so all mistakes don't matter!
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2023-06-03 10:21
I wasn't...
thinking of the wreath being a mistake. I was saying that it made me think about the poem more deeply and I think that is a good thing. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.