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This is what I see!

Bright lights flashing
against a mushroom cloud
Moisture falling from the heavens
in the form of acid rain

Children screaming in the distance
Crying out in agony
Tortured to destruction
and they do it ruthlessly

Bloody corpses had begun
hanging from the trees
Ashes falling in the wind
fire upon the sea

Shadows on the walls
people screaming silently
Quaking from the ground
people falling to their knees

Ruthless enemy attacking
spreading their disease
This is what I see!
This is what I see!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
An eminent distraction that we all face subconsciously. We really don't know what will happen and it's become a near reality.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "This is what I see!" presents a vivid and disturbing dystopian vision, using strong imagery and repetition to emphasize the horror of the scene.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific and unique descriptions. For instance, the phrases "Bright lights flashing," "Moisture falling from the heavens," and "Children screaming in the distance" are somewhat generic. The use of more original and detailed imagery could help to create a more immersive and impactful experience for the reader.

The repetition of the phrase "This is what I see!" effectively conveys the speaker's horror and disbelief. However, the impact of this repetition could be enhanced by varying the phrase slightly each time it is used, or by introducing additional repeated phrases to create a more complex pattern of repetition.

The poem's rhythm and meter are somewhat inconsistent, which can make it feel choppy and disjointed. Working to establish a more consistent rhythm could help to improve the flow of the poem and make it more engaging to read.

The poem's theme of destruction and horror is clear and powerfully conveyed. However, the poem could be deepened by exploring the causes or consequences of this destruction, or by introducing a contrasting theme to create a more nuanced and complex portrayal of the scene.

The poem's language is generally clear and straightforward, but there are a few instances where the wording could be improved. For example, the phrase "Tortured to destruction" is somewhat unclear and could be reworded for clarity.

Overall, this poem has a strong and compelling theme, but could be improved by incorporating more specific and unique imagery, establishing a more consistent rhythm, and exploring more complex themes and ideas.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

after perusing the lines of your poem, which nuclear catastrophe doth hang over the fate of mankind analogous to the sword of Damocles predicated on the necessity to bring peace on earth and goodwill (hunting) to all people.

Matthew Harris

Thank you, you are an eloquent writer. I'm glad I put my phone up I'll have to look up your poetry it sounds like it would be very interesting.

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

author comment

I am flattered that you would comment on this poem. Now that I recognize your pen name, I am in awe of your extensive and vivid vocabulary. That of which I comprehend only in images and not to the degree that I feel and understand the way that I would like to. I will now take more time to comment please help me understand by replying when I comment!

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

author comment
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