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Open your eyes!
Did you think that I could warn you!
that I’d never hurt or harm
Did you pray to see the daylight
when I turned as dark as night
I am not as you perceive me
I am not one to deceive
If you only could receive me
I would give you my life for you
In the long run you’ll return to me
just to feel your body burning
Will you take me to the sea now
just to wash away these stains
Fate has bound our paths together
you agreed to take the ride
When I could not relieve you
you just left me here to die
I am not yours, you abused me
left me in the rain to cry
Lost and lonely, girl you used me
took my children with your lies
Will you find your retribution
when my innocence appears
Will the Gods find a solution
when my fire has all but died!
I am not as you perceive me
I am not one to deceive
If you only could recieve me
I would open up your eyes!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
The essence of my life, simple but true. At least in my own mind.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
South Ogden, Utah
Favorite Poets
Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-31 15:46
Dear Leslie,
I am going to have to reread this poem quite a few times before I critique it, so I will be back!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Sat, 2024-08-31 15:56
Cat
Thanks for reading
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
author commentLeslie
Sat, 2024-08-31 15:56
Cat
Thanks for reading
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
author commentcaptain 2
Mon, 2024-09-02 22:02
Hello Leslie
There are so many ways to interpret this. I think I have it...then the next verse takes me a different direction. I feel like I need a master key to put into this that will unlock it.
Leslie
Tue, 2024-09-03 08:56
Cat
Not a great poem, but thank you for dropping by. You're a dear freind!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2024-09-03 09:20
Dear Leslie,
I feel that each of the verses could be the start of a whole new poem! This is amazing! I cannot choose a favorite verse, as they are all so engaging. I really like the beginning. The ending is phenomenal:
I am not as you perceive me
I am not one to deceive
If you only could recieve me
I would open up your eyes!
* hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Wed, 2024-09-04 11:00
Open you eyes
stigma is something that is just not going away no matter what we do we've got to learn to rearrange the way we think about others. thank you for your kind words.
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
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