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Angel!

Submitted by Leslie on Tue, 2024-08-13 08:34

A cherubim, an angel,
who never spoke with spite.

Through my camera window,
her beauty stole my sight.

She speaks sweet words of comfort
despite our inner fight.

A friend that I rely on
on many dismal nights.

And when the wind is cold
she warms me with a spark.

Her voice is soft and tender,
her intellect is sharp.

Content to do her very best
she calls me to the mark.

I’d follow her forever more
Throughout the murky dark

And whisper love so clearly
with songs of sweetest lark!

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

A love song for two misfits!

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-08-13 14:40

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Angel!" presents a clear narrative and a consistent rhyme scheme, which helps to maintain the reader's interest. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. While the poem does a good job of describing the angel's characteristics, the descriptions are fairly generic. For example, phrases like "her beauty stole my sight" and "her voice is soft and tender" are common in poetry and do not offer a fresh perspective. Using more original and specific imagery could make the poem more engaging and memorable.

Secondly, the poem's rhythm is somewhat inconsistent. While the poem mostly follows a rhythm of four stresses per line, there are a few lines that deviate from this pattern, such as "A friend that I rely on" and "And whisper love so clearly". These irregularities can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it harder to read. To improve the poem's rhythm, consider revising these lines to fit the established pattern.

Lastly, the poem's theme could be developed further. While the poem clearly portrays the speaker's admiration for the angel, it does not delve deeply into why the speaker feels this way. Exploring the speaker's feelings and experiences in more detail could add depth to the poem and make it more emotionally resonant.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Tue, 2024-08-13 09:02

I'm thinking...

that this is your muse we are talking about. Yes, the nights are so less dismal when one has a fine muse. Couldn't have said it better. Your rhyme is consistent and though there needs to be a joining of the words [through and out], I don't see a lot to change. Nice work, keep it going. ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Tue, 2024-08-13 09:12