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Shut It
Silence
you speak only
to barb my every thought
did you forget who I am not
Shut it!
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
My attempt at a Cinquain
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Wed, 2023-02-22 20:15
Shut It
Hello, Carrie,
I am so excited to see this! Yes! And what a great cinquain you've created with such strong feeling and energy. It is almost complete - just needs the fifth line with a word(s) containing 2 syllables that is a synonym to "silence." (Maybe insert your title there?)
I am so stoked with this! :)
L
RoseBlack
Wed, 2023-02-22 20:31
Line added
I can't believe I forgot the last line!! I got distracted at work and hit publish! Good catch! Glad you enjoyed.
~RoseBlack~
author commentLavender
Wed, 2023-02-22 20:35
Yes!
:)
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-02-23 05:14
I feel like uneducated
Aside from sonnet and haiku I’m a dope about format and structures. I’ve got a metronome going in my head 24/7 so my natural inclination is toward 4 or 6 or 8 “beats” per line. Because those are the most common musical time signatures. 4/4, 3/4, 4/8. 6/8 is natural too. 5/4, 7/8, 9/8 total nightmare if you don’t count beats.
I love this poem Carrie. Just make sure YOU don’t forget who you’re not. That happens to me a lot. Less now but still.
Tim
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-02-23 06:40
Thanks Tim
I think I do forget who I am not from time to time...an ongoing struggle that I am working on. I'm glad you liked this. I am trying to research and learn new forms, step outside my usual box.
~RoseBlack~
author commentCandlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-23 07:02
dear Carrie,
I don't know much about different forms. but I know what I like, and I like this!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-02-23 08:33
Thank you Cat
Glad you enjoyed
~RoseBlack~
author commentSeren
Thu, 2023-02-23 07:21
Dear Carrie
I absolutely love this one I think it's very clever.
Well done!!!
Nothing to suggest in the way of critique either.
Love and biggest hugs Jayne xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-02-23 08:34
Thanks Jayne
Trying new things...glad you enjoyed
~RoseBlack~
author commentEkaterina Alexa...
Thu, 2023-02-23 08:32
Great!
I love this- you are a strong, amazing woman. Don't ever forget it Xxx
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-02-23 08:34
Thanks Kat
Glad you enjoyed
~RoseBlack~
author commentMark
Thu, 2023-02-23 21:07
Love it!
Shut your mouth , I'm not that person! You make it poetry..
Great job Carrie,
Mark
"The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape... " (Picasso)
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-02-23 21:10
Thanks Mark
Literally...I am not that person...lol
~RoseBlack~
author commentClentin
Thu, 2023-03-09 18:06
I loved your poem and the
I loved your poem and the type of style you are trying.
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-03-09 22:04
Thanks Clentin
Glad you enjoyed
~RoseBlack~
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