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The Reckoning

Part 1

Into the night; the bone chilling, bloodiest part of the night;
wearing the skulls of enemies past, silently they crept.
Checking their list like good St.Nick, the last one wept.
Who knew Karma would turn up such a fright?

Heads wrapped in burlap, wrists tied with wire,
into the van they go like lambs off to slaughter.
Silently, she waits; her father's jaded daughter.
Never again would they make her out to be a liar.

"Single file." Her enforcer barked. "Before I slit your throat."
To her underground paradise they went, hell on earth,
it's a shame not one ever saw her worth.
There she stood, raven skulled mask and feathered coat.

"On your knees," she commanded. "These three first."
Pushing the trio down, the enforcer uncovered their faces,
landing in the most unholiest of places.
The gasps were amusing as they had not seen the worst.

"Do you remember me?". She whispered with a hiss.
The trio shook their heads, her face still behind the mask.
"Once upon a time, you claimed to love me so I had to ask."
"Take them to the white room, the greasy one looks pissed."

Dragging them by the scruff of the neck, an argeous task.
Knuckles dragging across the concrete until they bled.
Screams could be heard as their knees were torn to shreds.
Cackling, she turned to the last two and lifted her mask.

Their cheeks turned ghastly white as she pulled out a knife.
"Surprised! I should think so. How dare you betray me!
I raised your kid, bought food and supplies! Do you see?
Best friends should never cause this kind of strife!"

"Bitches get stitches, but pure evil get eighty-sixes."
Dragging the knife across the first one's lips,
while her partner watched, trying not to flip.
"Time for you to join the mix."

The Overlord watched as they choked on their blood.
Sputtering and gurgling would be their final word.
Never again would a lie from their lips be heard.
Carefully, she stepped over them, avoiding the fluid flood.

Part 2:

No windows, no vents; walls of straight jacket white.
The three remaining were shaken with fright.
Enforcer stood firm as the bald one issued a plight.
"Today is not the day for you to decide to fight."

The greasy one frowned, none of this was his fault!
"The bitch made me do it. It's do as I say, my way!"
"Did I? Did I really? Or was it you who didn't want to play?"
"You!" He screamed as the other two fainted.

"Go get the coffee pot. He needs a hot drink. To the face. Try not to scream, my good man!"
"Have you lost your mind?" Screamed the grease can.
As the coffee melted his skin, she kept pace.

Smiling at Baldy, she crouched down, close to his ear.
"Hello, baby. I have something special just for you."
Wetting himself, he knew the punishment was long overdue.
"It was your choice, this for that, let me be clear."

Tying him to a chair, in front of a lone TV screen,
eyes pinned open so he couldn't look away,
"Now watch how real lovers play."
She was the star in every scene.

Last but not least, the ultimate beast.
The beatings, betrayal and bruises.
Twenty years she had waited, now time he loses.
And in the end, on his dying cries she would feast.

"It's all in your head..I gave all I had."
She snorted and knocked him back with her boot,
jamming a spiked heel into his throat, until he went mute.
"What was that you said? You'd rather be dead?"

Blood sprayed from the hole in his throat,
like a geyser of freedom releasing its prey.
She snapped his neck with a quick jerk of her foot.
Buttoning her feathered coat, she took time to gloat.

And then she took a breath.
As if it was her first.
A butterfly emerging from its cocoon.
New life, fresh start, a single breath.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
This is a two part story poem
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Reckoning" is a narrative piece that delves into themes of revenge, betrayal, and violence. It is a two-part poem that tells a story of a woman's retribution against those who have wronged her.

The poem's structure is consistent, which helps to maintain the narrative flow. However, the rhythm could be improved. The lines vary greatly in length, which can disrupt the flow and rhythm of the poem. Consider revising to create more uniform line lengths or to establish a more consistent meter.

The poem's language is vivid and descriptive, effectively setting a dark and ominous tone. However, the use of colloquial language (e.g., "The bitch made me do it. It's do as I say, my way!") can be jarring and disrupt the tone. Consider revising to maintain a consistent tone throughout.

The poem's narrative is clear, but the characters could be developed further. The reader is told about the woman's actions and the reactions of those she is punishing, but there is little insight into who these characters are and why they act as they do. Consider adding more details about the characters to give the reader a better understanding of their motivations and personalities.

The poem's theme of revenge is clear, but the violence is quite graphic. This may not appeal to all readers. Consider revising to imply violence rather than explicitly describe it, which can be just as effective and potentially reach a wider audience.

The ending of the poem, where the woman takes a breath as if it was her first, is a powerful image. It effectively conveys the sense of release and freedom she feels after exacting her revenge. However, the metaphor of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon is a common one and may not have the impact you desire. Consider revising to create a more unique and striking image.

Overall, this poem has a strong narrative and vivid language, but could benefit from revisions to improve rhythm, tone, character development, and imagery.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to I especially like the use of "gurgling" uh, did you mean to use the word "mute"? ...just asking, heh, heh..


. like my lost dreams...the flood

For your read and comment. Thanks for catching moot. It should've been mute.


author comment

tomorrow, too tired tonight. ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Revenge at its' most brutal and bloodiest.
I was so intrigued by the action; I almost didn't notice that the rhyme scheme
had changed from a 1-3 2-4 to a 1-4 2-3.
Pretty sneaky. I hope that it helped to write this one out.
I know that I have yet to see anyone else come as close to Killer's brutality and use of
ordinary objects to kill with. A feel-better piece! ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

You would pick up on the rhyme scheme! I thought of you as I was writing it. It did help some to get it out and onto paper. Our brainstorming session I think helped the most and turned it into what you see here. Thank you for all the guidance and listening ear!


author comment

my pleasure. ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I really love this side of you!It would seem that you let all these wounds that "they" inflict upon you accumulate and the pressure and pain build until it finally erupts out of you! In a volcanic explosion! All that poison comes from from their careless handling of you and your feelings, and lack of respect! If only they knew the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the situation, perhaps they would have the sense to be afraid of what they were releasing?

You wrote another piece that I admired that was extremely cold. This one is passion Hot the words firing off like bullets from a fast gun! I love it all!

*ever, eddy styx
*respets, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

For such high praise! I have learned so much from you and all the other great poets on the site. I can release my feelings in a structured well organized manner or at least attempt to. You hit the nail on the head with the meaning though. Thank you again for your read and comment.


author comment
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