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Spider Web

Submitted by RoseBlack on Thu, 2024-03-28 18:56

Dew drops glisten upon
silver threads carefully intertwined.
Piece by piece, built and rebuilt,
the spider reflects on her work.

What was once a dusty door frame,
has become a work of art.
Through her tears and fears,
something beautiful arose.

Her triumph and escape,
from Hell's all encompassing gate,
finding herself within the mess,
landing safely in her new found web of life.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

Earn A Poem Workshop 1

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-03-29 01:00

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Spider Web" successfully employs vivid imagery and metaphor to create a narrative of struggle, resilience, and transformation. The use of the spider web as a metaphor for life's trials and tribulations is effective and thought-provoking.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and syllable counts create a somewhat disjointed reading experience. Establishing a more consistent rhythm could enhance the overall flow of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

The transition from the spider's perspective to the more abstract concepts in the final stanza is a bit abrupt. Providing more context or a smoother transition could help maintain the reader's engagement and comprehension.

The line "from Hell's all encompassing gate" introduces a strong, dramatic image, but it's not clear how this fits with the rest of the poem's imagery and metaphor. Clarifying this reference or integrating it more seamlessly into the poem's narrative could strengthen the overall coherence of the piece.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more exploration of the spider's emotions and experiences. While the poem does touch on the spider's "tears and fears," these aspects could be further developed to create a deeper emotional connection with the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2024-03-30 11:33

Superb

Great writing. We can rebuild everything if we must. Weave it all in silver.

Great Job
Tim

RoseBlack

Sun, 2024-03-31 01:55

Hi Tim

Thank you for the read and comment. Glad to see you back on the site. Rebuilding is hard but worth it!

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Candlewitch

Sat, 2024-03-30 11:48

Dear Carrie,

I love this hopeful poem. Your imagery gives the reader a taste of what it is like to be one pausing to view her creation and finding it to be worthwhile! the spider is more than satisfied when her work of art is finished and she is finally free! nice work! that is what I got from this piece.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

RoseBlack

Sun, 2024-03-31 01:56

You hit the nail

On the head. I have a ways to go but am well on my way. Thank you for all the unconditional friendship and support! Couldn't have done it without you.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-03-31 06:57