Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Last Ride

Back the trunk up, open wide
slide the body deep inside.
Box of pine, nowhere to hide.
Take one last breath, its your final ride.

Pulling over, take it all in stride.
Maybe you shouldn't have lied.
Then again it wasn't your soul that died.
Stop squirming and enjoy the final ride!

Falling match, one for every tear I cried
Oh, looks the Great Pretender is french fried
Into the water below, the box will glide,
Hope you enjoyed your final ride

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Last Ride" demonstrates a strong use of rhyme and rhythm, which contributes to its overall narrative flow. The consistent ABAB rhyme scheme throughout the stanzas provides a sense of continuity and cohesion.

However, the poem could benefit from more nuanced language and imagery. While the narrative is clear, the language is quite direct and lacks the subtlety often found in poetry. For instance, the line "Oh, looks the Great Pretender is french fried" could be reworked to convey the same meaning but in a more poetic and less colloquial way.

Moreover, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most of the lines are of similar length and follow a similar pattern, which can make the poem feel monotonous. By varying the sentence structure, the poem could become more dynamic and engaging.

Lastly, the poem's theme of revenge or justice is clear, but it could be developed further. The poem could delve deeper into the emotions and motivations of the speaker, which would add depth and complexity to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Don't you just love the word "Sinister"? I know I do! this poem is loaded with that powerful package, Dark and Sinister! I cannot choose favorite lines for I loved them all! Fantastic work. Well done!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I'm so glad you liked this! I was listening to a song on TV and this popped into my head. It just seemed to pour out like water!

~RoseBlack~

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.