The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Romance on the Rocks

In this poem, the imagery and setting are well-established, creating a vivid picture of a seedy downtown hotel with a worn patio. The use of the saxophone as a recurring motif throughout the poem helps to evoke the atmosphere of a smoky, late-night jazz club. However, there are some areas that could be improved to enhance the overall impact of the poem.

1. Consistency in rhyme scheme: The poem seems to follow an AABB rhyme scheme in the first two stanzas, but this pattern is not maintained throughout the poem. Establishing a consistent rhyme scheme can help create a sense of cohesion and make the poem more enjoyable for readers.

2. Line length and rhythm: The lines in the poem vary in length, which can disrupt the flow and rhythm. Consider revising the lines to create a more consistent rhythm, which will help the poem read more smoothly.

3. Punctuation and capitalization: The poem lacks punctuation in some places, which can make it difficult for readers to follow the intended meaning and phrasing. Adding punctuation where appropriate can help clarify the intended pauses and breaks in the poem. Additionally, some lines begin with lowercase letters, which can be distracting. Consider capitalizing the first letter of each line for consistency.

4. Strengthening the narrative: The poem tells a story of a woman who is lonely and vulnerable, ultimately falling prey to a predatory man. To make this narrative more compelling, consider developing the characters and their motivations more fully. This could be achieved by adding more specific details or exploring the emotions and thoughts of the characters.

By addressing these points, the poem can be refined to create a more engaging and cohesive piece that effectively conveys the intended atmosphere and narrative.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I really liked this one. The title is somewhat catchy. Your rhythm and rhyme is typically enjoyable as much of your work, but the theme is much more focused in this one. Sheets of rain is the perfect mood for the ending of this bluesy piece.

However, :) Let's do something with the last line. It seems a little flat to me.

Other than that, Superbly Done!

Thomas

Fantastically penned.
Especially love the reference to the devil, and how the barman tepts her with the drink.

maybe if you added: (drenched and alone) trying not to hide. or something like it? btw, I really liked this poem, it has meat and potatoes!

*hugs, Cat & eddy

The bluesy atmosphere, the rain, and the heat remind me of a film. If you're thinking of the same one I am, I'll let you know.

Your poem pulled me into the seedy hotel, the bar with customers and the devil.
I enjoyed it and thought it has a lot of potential to tighten up the scenes with more imagery and metaphor?
Ruby :)

It made me think of Angel Heart, the atmosphere did it for me. Ruby :)

This I enjoyed as much as any of your writings Geez. Personally I would not touch it. Alex

It's all been said before me, if ever there was a poem that was a mood? it's this one. I closed my eyes at the end of it and I absorbed. You have inspired me bro! Thank you for the gift.

Applause!!!

higgliest bugs and love x

Great piece, though, let down by the last stanza, (dunno whatja think? maybe do away with it!)

Obi.

To me, it makes no difference at all if each line starts with a capital letter or not, but, if I'm at odds on deciding, I usually employ punctuation and take it from there.
This piece and it's theme deserve some serious and objective consideration. I think you have something here.

Thomas

Pretty tight bro. Great storytelling too. Definitely a poem that reads itself effortlessly.

This has a very familiar feeling to me. I love the imagery and how the emotions are expressed in a musical atmosphere. Well done.

Hi, Geezer,
I've been checking out / studying your blues poetry - you are the king. I believe this one is my favorite. Beginning with the title, the story carries through as each stanza leans smoothly into the next with the strong lonely feeling of the blues. I can hear (or maybe, feel?) the saxophone so well. The last two lines are wonderful. Wonderful poetry blues.
Thank you!
L