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Flinging Spring...

Flinging water everywhere,
the old and chilling breeze
ruffles the feathers of sparrows,
reminding them of the promise.

Warm inside their cozy nests
huddled lovers making songs
built from memories,
that the world will hear tomorrow.

Sealed with the kiss of Autumn,
dreamt of the winter through,
awaiting the awakening,
it's Springtime's little fling.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Having to write free form, is a struggle for me. It is okay when I just up and do it, but when it is a prerequisite, my brain keeps telling me that there is something wrong. ~ Geezer. .
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Flinging Spring" exhibits a clear understanding of imagery and metaphor, creating vivid pictures of the changing seasons and their effects on the natural world. The use of personification in the first stanza, with the breeze "ruffling the feathers of sparrows," is effective in setting a scene that is both familiar and evocative.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The current structure appears to be free verse, but it seems to hint at a more structured form. By choosing a consistent rhythm, the poem could enhance its musicality and flow, making it more engaging to the reader.

The third stanza introduces the concept of the seasons as a cycle, with the "kiss of Autumn" and the "dreamt of the winter through." This is a compelling idea, but it could be developed further. For instance, the poem could explore more deeply how each season prepares for the next, creating a more comprehensive picture of the cyclical nature of time.

The final line, "it's Springtime's little fling," is a clever play on words, but it might be more impactful if the preceding lines built up to this revelation more directly. As it stands, the line feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. By weaving this idea more thoroughly throughout the poem, the ending could provide a satisfying resolution.

In terms of language, the poem generally uses clear, simple words, which makes it accessible to a wide range of readers. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary to add depth and richness to the imagery. The use of more descriptive adjectives and verbs could help to create a more immersive and evocative experience for the reader.

In conclusion, "Flinging Spring" demonstrates a strong command of imagery and metaphor, but could benefit from a more consistent rhythm, a deeper exploration of its central theme, and a richer vocabulary.

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I know what you mean about writing in free form lol. But you did OK with this one

I thought I got this one okay. I had fun writing it. ~ Geez.

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author comment

This is absolutely different from your pen, but I can't say I don't like it.
You always have something good to show and tell in a way or another and you never fail.
Thank you for sharing sir.


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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for taking the time to comment on this one Rula.
Yes, kind of different from my usual writing, but I thought that I should try it.
I took the idea from watching the little brown sparrows across the alley up under the eaves of the house next door.
I see them roost there throughout the late Spring and Summer. I watch them fly back and forth feeding their young and teaching them to fly. A real affirmation of the renewal of life. ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Hello, Geezer,
I really like the personification of the breeze, especially the reference to it being "old" giving the feeling that something new is on its way. And the reference to "the promise" is clever and leads right into the expectation and anticipation of Spring's awakening. Fun title!
Enjoyed this!

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