Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Hot Summer Nights

Submitted by RoseBlack on Thu, 2023-08-31 19:48

Ninety degrees after dark
The sticky sweet aroma of skin on skin
Dripping steam down slippery window panes
Hidden within a sacred spot in the park

Strong hands through my hair; hold me tight
Breath on breath; my favorite aphrodisiac
Tucked beneath him safely; in a forbidden lovers twist
Surrendering to something so wrong; yet so beautifully right

Shivering within his grasp; the growl in his voice left me entranced
The woman in me, honoring the man in him
Our shadows merging into one within a tantric dance
A night I'll never forget

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Hot Summer Nights

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-09-01 01:50

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and sensory details to create an intense atmosphere of passion and intimacy. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation. For example, in the line "Breath on breath; my favorite aphrodisiac" the semicolon seems to be used as a pause, but in other lines, there is no punctuation to indicate a pause. Consistent punctuation can help guide the reader through the poem and create a more rhythmic reading experience.

Secondly, the poem could be more effective if it explored the tension between the "wrong" and the "beautifully right" in more depth. This is a compelling theme, but it is only briefly touched upon in the poem. Expanding on this could add more layers to the poem and make it more emotionally resonant.

Lastly, the line "The woman in me, honoring the man in him" could be interpreted in various ways, and it might be beneficial to clarify what is meant by this. Is it about gender roles, mutual respect, or something else? Providing more context could help the reader better understand the poem's message.

Overall, this poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it could be even more powerful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-08-31 22:57

Thanks Mark

I tweaked it a little bit. Glad you enjoyed

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-08-31 22:31

This was...

definitely hot. Steamy and slick. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-08-31 22:57

Thanks Gee

I tweaked it a little bit just now. Glad you enjoyed!

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-08-31 23:43