Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Apologies

Submitted by RoseBlack on Mon, 2024-01-22 15:02

I was only looking out
the best I could,

to those of you
who misunderstood.

Speaking seems to do more harm,
but silence shouldn't be the only way,

The struggle within,
pulling me apart again

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

Earn A Poem Workshop 1

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-01-22 21:03

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Apologies" presents an emotionally charged narrative that is relatable to many readers. The themes of misunderstanding, communication, and internal struggle are effectively conveyed through the use of simple, direct language.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality. For instance, the second stanza has a different rhythm compared to the first and third stanzas. Establishing a consistent rhythm could improve the flow and readability of the poem.

Additionally, the use of imagery could be expanded to create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader. While the phrase "The struggle within, pulling me apart again" effectively conveys a sense of internal conflict, incorporating more concrete images or metaphors could deepen the reader's understanding and emotional connection to this struggle.

The poem could also benefit from a more developed exploration of its themes. While the themes of misunderstanding and internal struggle are introduced, they are not fully explored or resolved. Providing more context or elaboration could add depth and complexity to the poem's narrative.

Lastly, the poem's title, "Apologies," suggests a tone of regret or contrition, but this tone is not clearly reflected in the poem itself. Revisiting the title to ensure it accurately reflects the poem's content and tone could improve its overall coherence and impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Mon, 2024-01-22 17:25

I'm not sure...

that this is a poem, but I do understand the sentiment. Sometimes, it is very hard to remain quiet, when you don't know what speaking out will do. You get stars just for the thought. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

RoseBlack

Mon, 2024-01-22 17:29

I'm not sure

What this is either. Just a blurb if there is such a thing with a few sentiments mixed in. I am not sure if holding things in is always good but speaking makes you look bad or attention seeking. Struggling with some of these things and that little blurb popped out.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2024-01-22 17:34

Sometimes...

it is true, speaking out can make it look like you are looking for attention, I don't see you as that type of person. I think that anything that you say, is in hope of easing somebody's pain or a difficult situation. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

RoseBlack

Mon, 2024-01-22 17:37

It is

I am not even sure where that blurb came from.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Lavender

Mon, 2024-01-22 18:10

Apologies

Hello, Carrie,
I have read and reread this several times. I believe it is so thought-provoking. May I play with it a bit to show you how it speaks to me using only the first two lines?

I was only looking out
the best I could,

to those of you
who misunderstood.

An apology with a bit of flare. Maybe not what you were going for, but this still makes me pause and think. Really like the title.
Thank you!
L

RoseBlack

Mon, 2024-01-22 18:23