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The Woman and The Reaper

Full moon glittering through an open window pane
Night's breath wafting through whisps of veiled fabric
Candles lit upon ingress, blown upon egress
Deep in slumber, I ebbed on the edge of consciousness

His hands were like fire
Burning the symbol of death into my skin
Yet so cold my senses shivered from within
I tried to cry out but was silenced with visions of a pyre

A voice so jagged, like the edges of broken glass
He rasped softly in my ear about how the end was near
I opened my eyes to face him, pulled the hood from his head
Kissing his bluish lips, I found nothing more than a man

We danced in the shadows, where the moon met the stars
He held me close; he held me tight; one hand in my hair
When I looked into his deadpan eyes, I felt no fear
It was all too familiar, I was locked into his stare

Released from his grasp, I gasped
Heart leaping from my chest
I bid him to stay for his company was the best
He smiled a sinister smile and said not yet

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Woman and The Reaper" demonstrates a strong command of imagery and metaphor, creating a vivid and immersive narrative. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Consistency in Tone: The poem seems to oscillate between a modern and archaic tone. Phrases like "ebbed on the edge of consciousness" and "ingress, blown upon egress" have an older, more formal feel, while lines like "I tried to cry out but was silenced with visions of a pyre" and "I bid him to stay for his company was the best" feel more contemporary. A more consistent tone could enhance the overall coherence of the poem.

2. Use of Clichés: While the poem is largely original, there are instances where clichés are used, such as "heart leaping from my chest." Replacing these with more unique expressions could enhance the poem's originality and impact.

3. Punctuation and Line Breaks: The poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation and line breaks. For example, the line "He held me close; he held me tight; one hand in my hair" could be broken up into separate lines or punctuated differently to improve readability and rhythm.

4. Character Development: The poem introduces two characters, the woman and the reaper, but their relationship and motivations could be further developed. The woman's reaction to the reaper, for instance, could be explored more deeply to add emotional depth to the poem.

5. Use of Tenses: The poem switches between past and present tense, which can be confusing for the reader. Consistent use of tenses would improve the poem's clarity and flow.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

This was so hot, I almost fainted :) Great story, your descriptions are great and the language you used added layers to this dark tale. Loved it, Ruby :) xx

Commenting on poetry builds community, confidence, and comprehension. :)

So much for the high praise! I think so much of your writing and value your opinion. Glad you enjoyed.


author comment

What a visit! And what a tease he is! "We danced in the shadows, where the moon met the stars." So surreal. I could feel the overwhelming attraction, and the heartache when he left. He's a hot way. :)
Thank you!

Thank you for the read and comment! I think there may be some truth to this write as I find I can always see the person underneath the darkness. Then sometimes I wonder if it is all just a fantasy...


author comment

Great work, very thought provoking!

Glad you enjoyed!


author comment

Loved the poem. Dark but real, good images.

Very nice

The reaper is one of those characters that a visit can go either way- it is all in how you perceive him and his intentions. Thank you for the read and comment.


author comment
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