The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem demonstrates a strong command of rhythm and rhyme, which contributes to its overall flow. However, there are areas where the clarity of the message could be improved. The poem seems to grapple with existential themes, but the specific nature of these themes could be more clearly articulated.

For example, the phrase "we kneeled before the maker" could benefit from additional context to clarify its significance. Is the "maker" a deity, the universe, or something else? Similarly, the phrase "fate exposed our destiny to grovel in ambiguity" is somewhat abstract. More concrete language could help the reader understand what this destiny looks like and why it is ambiguous.

The poem also seems to oscillate between a collective and individual perspective. At times, the speaker uses "we" and at other times "I." It might be helpful to maintain a consistent perspective throughout the poem or to provide a clear transition between perspectives.

Lastly, the final line "as one of His sons!" seems to introduce a new idea that is not fully developed. If the speaker is positioning themselves as a child of a deity or higher power, this could be introduced earlier in the poem to provide a more cohesive narrative.

Overall, the poem could benefit from clearer language and more consistent narrative perspective to more effectively communicate its themes.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I really liked these lines:

Despite the authors majesty
we had not hope nor could we see
the meaning for our breathing.

so very much implied, here. I often wonder at our collectives worth...

*hugs, Cat

.a powerful piece that engages the reader in the biggest questions about life.
I found few places where breaks and punctuation could make a smoother flow
Please feel free to take or leave:

Beneath a moon of billowed white(,)
And adding a comma to 'twas which is a contraction of it was

Here is how I think breaks would help

Beneath a moon of billowed white,
we set forth on a sacred night.
To find the truth, 'twas just in sight,
but found its words to be quite trite
and somewhat overbearing.

Then somewhere in the chaos found,
our wisdom bore a futile sound.
And as the truth would come unwound,
we kneeled before the maker.

Despite the author's majesty,
we had not hope nor could we see
the meaning for our breathing.
For time and time again, we see
'twas all the same for you and me.
Time couldn’t add a single thing,
and fate exposed our destiny,
to grovel in ambiguity
and question life’s true meaning.

Now some, they may believe in hell,
and as for me, I do as well.
But only time can truly tell
what will become of us as well,
when caught up in this maelstrom.

The cosmos will spin round and round,
although we may not make a sound,
but I, myself, will cry out loud
until the end, which will not come,
and dance beneath the stars.

Hope this is helpful.
Thank you for sharing

Hello, Leslie,
I've read through this several times, and I'm a bit perplexed with the title. I thought there would be a sense of lost hope or dread, but I'm not feeling that here. There are definitely deep, introspective questions raised in the poem, but those final lines feel positive and almost joyful. I wonder if I'm reading incorrectly. I'd love to know your thoughts! I'll be back!
Thank you!
L