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For Sharon...

For Sharon...

She waited and she waited
but through the passing years
she found there was no answer
for her pain and tears

Left alone, bewildered
what did she do wrong?
He disappeared one night
"Oh God, it's been so long!"

It wasn't her, she didn't know
he just wasn't good enough
to think of how he hurt her
she was just a bit of fluff

She wasn't always on his mind
[thought about her now and again]
Always meant to call her
but the time was never then

One day he got a message
from the past; so long ago
she wanted to forgive him
wanted him to know

She just thought to see him
she was deathly sick
He couldn't face her now
explain his dirty trick

He often thinks about her
feels ashamed, it seems
for now, her tearful plea
comes to haunt him in his dreams

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
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Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

was Sharon someone I would know? someone from Neopoet? your poem is like a slap in the face for whomever "he" was, and well deserved, too!

*hugs for you and Sharon, too! Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

the cad was a young me. She was not someone you would know. I was eighteen and stupid. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I'm so sorry! the memory of her is very painful for you, I can tell! atonement through poetry and you can see the past clearly. it shows that you care and regret your actions. when we are young we do stupid things. it is the nature of the beast.

*l & h, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

This was a bit confused as I read this through. The confusion for me started after the third stanza. I thought you could do better with the punctuation for a smoother read.
Just me. See what others might say.
Best wishes.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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what confused you. It is about a young, foolish boy who swept a young girl off her feet and didn't realize, to her it was more than just a fling. He just danced away one night, with no explanation and never went back. Many years later, she sent him a message, wanting to see him. He couldn't face her and never went. I was sure that she had time yet, and while I was making up my mind to go to see her, she died. I am not sure what you mean about the punctuation. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I won't comment as you already know my opinion. Good luck with the competition.

I am only here to say I was here. Lol

Love & higgliest bugs Sis x

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

I appreciate you always being here. Higgest bugs and lotta love, ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I’m sorry you missed the opportunities both when you were young and also later. I’m sorry this woman passed away wanting to see you. Regret is a bitch though and the universe has a way of keeping us right where we belong. “All things flow according to the whims of the great magnet and what a fool I was to defy it.” Hunter S Thompson said that and I think it is 100% true but it goes both ways. It puts you where you belong and keeps you away from where you don’t. Life is a game that can’t be won, only played, and it’s best done as one’s authentic self.

Great writing as usual. Difficult subject.
Tim

It is a difficult subject. Not a thing that I am proud of, and I sincerely wish that it weren't so. However, since I can't go back and change it, at least I can own it! I sometimes believe that we are here until we fulfill a debt or do whatever we are here to do. It must be that I haven't done whatever, because I am still here after so many narrow escapes from death. Anyway, I simply felt that it was time to tell this story and maybe get it out of my head and heart. Thanks for your support. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

of us do. My closest friends would know how much this hurt me to write and tell the world about. [I have outlived just about everyone that would know about this story, so I didn't have to tell it.] I am much different than I used to be, and it has taken me a long time to get to where I am. I am more at peace with myself and the world than ever.
Thank you for the kindness of seeing that I am more the kind of person I want to be. I guess that I'll take my chances with the old adage: "Confession is good for the soul, but not necessarily for the reputation." ~ Geezer.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

humbled with the reactions I have gotten. I think that that this story will never be completely over, but the response to it has lightened my load. I am sure that you have some guys out there, that are wondering; "What if, and wish I had." ~ Geezer.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

Hello, Geezer,
The honesty here is so moving. I believe, if we were honest ourselves, we have all been on both sides of somewhat similar circumstances. I don't know that I'd go back to eighteen - it is such an easy-going / hard time of life. I hope this poem brings you peace. Somehow, I know it has touched Sharon.
L

one of which is, my best friend and neighbor died a couple of weeks ago. He said to me; " I think that maybe if you knew certain things about me, you might not like me so much. I tried to reassure him that it didn't matter in our relationship, because of who he was right then. I know that he regretted a lot of things that he could never talk about. I am not going to confess all my dirty deeds, but this one has preyed upon my mind for long enough. Thank you all for your honest opinions and feelings.
It means a lot to me. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

This was a pretty intense bit of versification here my friend. Sad? Oh yes, heartbreaking is more like it. For her and yourself. Both thinking what might have been, while both still were, and the possibility was still there.

The rhyme/pattern was spot on of course. The subject matter was very well-chosen, and one which unfortunately I am well-acquainted with. The beginning and ending were finely executed and fit the theme perfectly.

All in all, I'd say that this was a most satisfying read. However, it was a little hard to deal with for me personally, as I have done things similar to this myself. Hurt others without meaning to.

So I just want you to know my friend, here is someone who can absolutely relate to that feeling of deep emotional sadness for what could've been, but never was. And like you it has haunted me to this day.

Truly outstanding work my friend. I really enjoyed it. Even tho it was stained with bitter reminders of my own romantic disappointments in life.

I loved it just the same.

Thanks for sharing.

the kind words about the construction of
this piece. I thought long and hard about this one, and it was
not an easy choice to make, in writing or not writing.

I'm sorry that you have that albatross hanging around your neck too,
it is hard to accept that it will never go away, but the burden
now seems lighter, that it is shared.
Thank you for your words of encouragement, ~ Geezer.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

You are entirely welcome my friend. And I'm happy to take some of that weight off you. It's a heavy load to bear.

Be well.

Great breaking points for carrying the enjambment and the rhyme is so well done I didn't notice it until I saw it classified as western structured.
A popular use of poetry as well and that gives it relativity.
It's a winner my friend.
Mark

.
.
I am a caveman
Drawing bovine on a wall
With a burned spear tip
(for Jess)

I had hoped that my use of the poetry would express the deep regret of the careless youth that mishandled a heart. It does seem that it doesn't sting quite as much, now that I have expressed the anguish and regret that I have felt all these years.
Thank you for your kind words. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment
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