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Rain Fulfills
How can I forget?
Forget the past
When the mirror reflects
It back to me.
It’s written on my face
With every trace and flint of grey
It’s rich like home and poor with suffering
It’s a homestead and a daily reminder
The jumble you see in front of you
Like twisted shore pines
Has been untied and acknowledged
Fully grasped and held Exalted
Full circle redeemed at said shore line
Alone swims on and is perfectly fine
free at sea and free to smile
In my heart know I have lived and given out help
Rescued a few and wrangled about unaided
Granted entry to the vain and stood in the rain
Finally, at half past six believed alas
Fully extended out my arms and was released to the sea
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How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-10-24 17:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Rain Fulfills" presents a reflective and introspective narrative that explores themes of memory, aging, and personal growth. The use of vivid imagery and metaphors enriches the poem's depth and emotional resonance.
However, there are areas that could benefit from further refinement. The transition between the first and second stanzas could be smoother to maintain the poem's flow. The abrupt shift from the mirror reflection in the first stanza to the homestead in the second stanza might be confusing for some readers. Perhaps, a bridging line or concept could be introduced to make this transition more seamless.
The poem also seems to shift between different perspectives. For instance, the first two stanzas use the first-person perspective ("I"), but the third stanza switches to the second-person perspective ("you"). This sudden shift might disrupt the reader's engagement with the poem. Consistency in perspective could enhance the poem's coherence and impact.
The final stanza introduces several new ideas and images, such as "swims on," "free at sea," and "stood in the rain." While these images are evocative, they might benefit from further development and integration into the poem's overall narrative. The poem could explore these images in more depth to create a more cohesive and impactful ending.
Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. The varying line lengths and irregular rhythm might disrupt the poem's flow. A more consistent rhythm and meter could enhance the poem's musicality and readability.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2023-10-24 12:04
Sounds like...
a bedside vigil for a while, then it began to resemble the end of a relationship. Nicely done. ~ Geezer.
.
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Tawny023
Tue, 2023-10-24 15:43
Thank you
Thank you :) for reading. it did start one way that’s for sure but I sometimes like to end with more of a high note even though bad stuff happens in between.
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