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Passed by her hero

Out of the blaze, char, and smoke inferno
Heavy coated soot and big black boots
The last survivor over the threshold
Merely four years old and graciously carried
Into the frantic arms of her mother
From his crew, a bravo pat on the shoulder

Back at the firehouse, a hardy bowl
of chili and a big deep chuckle
Ears piqued for the bell, but momentarily
Sat back & enjoyed the stillness of the sun
Bliss interrupted by the high pitched siren
As the truck raced to extinguish
yet another five alarm fire

While turning at the yellow blinking light
Riding passenger seat he caught a glimpse
Idling in a rose gold Camaro sat the rescued girl
Now a full grown lovely young lady
Slowly they locked eyes, and at once
she knew he was her hero of so long ago

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Passed by her hero" demonstrates a strong narrative quality, effectively telling a story through its verses. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. The lack of punctuation in some lines can make the poem difficult to read and disrupt the flow of the narrative. For example, the line "Over the threshold merely four yrs olds" would be clearer with punctuation or rephrasing to indicate that the four-year-old is the last survivor being carried out of the inferno.

Secondly, the poem could use more vivid and specific imagery to enhance the emotional impact of the narrative. While there are some strong images, such as "Out of the blaze, char, and smoke inferno" and "Heavy coated soot and big black boots", other parts of the poem could be more descriptive. For example, the line "Back at the firehouse a hardy bowl of chili and a big deep chuckle" could be expanded upon to more fully paint the picture of the fireman's experience.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The varying line lengths and rhythms can make the poem feel disjointed. Establishing a more consistent rhythm could enhance the flow of the narrative and make the poem more engaging to read.

Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and some powerful imagery, but could be improved with more consistent punctuation, more vivid and specific imagery, and a more consistent rhythm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

there is so much missing to link it all together.

You still have another 15 lines to link it all together.
I suggest that you just go ahead and try to link it all,
then put the lines in order, pare it down,and repost .

I was interested in the story as a whole and, you have
some good language. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks for the tips.

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