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Less than five percent battery
So dismal these days
Cannot rely on anything
So proprietary in its ways
Spend most of my days
Trying to recharge
Such an intrusion on my time
Useful only when green
Always hovering on red
Panic stricken will it even last?
Running consistently low
Eking out on its last bars
Frantically seeking an outlet
Apps lurking in the background
Sucking my battery bone dry
Hawking my every move
Always feeding it with juice
Day in and day out
Hunting for a source
Lost and Inoperative
Any reserves available?
Wish it was simply a crank
To keep it going
Or the light of the sun
My luck today it’s cloudy
The day I truly need it
It will undoubtedly disengage
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
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Editing stage:
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Content level:
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-06-10 10:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Less than five percent battery" effectively conveys a sense of frustration and reliance on technology through its imagery and tone. The repetition of phrases like "hovering on red" and "frantically seeking an outlet" creates a feeling of urgency and desperation. The comparison of the battery to a bone being sucked dry adds a vivid and somewhat unsettling image to the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to further explore the emotional impact of this reliance on technology. How does it make the speaker feel beyond frustration? Are there deeper emotions at play, such as isolation or dependence? Adding more layers to the emotional depth of the poem could enhance its impact on the reader.
Additionally, consider varying the structure or form of the poem to create more visual interest or to emphasize certain lines. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or rhyme schemes could help to further enhance the overall effectiveness of the poem.
Overall, "Less than five percent battery" effectively captures the modern struggle with technology, and with
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Geezer
Mon, 2024-06-10 12:47
There are a couple of things
There are a couple of things that I think that you should address:
[Cannot] rely on anything.
So proprietary in [their] ways. What is it? [I think you are speaking of the days?]
Eking out [on] its last bars.
I'm not sure that you should use "[Meanwhile], seeing as how you are having such difficulty in finding outlets/charging stations.
How about, [Always trying to find the juice] ?
A few commas could enhance the reading experience. You don't need full stops as you are always making a declarative statement and the lines all start capitalized. As always, my critique and comments can be used, twisted to say it differently or simply dismissed. ~ Geezer.
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