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A place to be!

Submitted by Leslie on Thu, 2024-09-19 08:46

Can you feel the grey
surrounding you!
You've got
to be medicated
to win this game!
Everyday, always the same
you sit on your ass and watch TV
Waiting for someone
to talk to
People who can't
possibly understand,
but it's Okay
it has to be.
Just send me downstream
past the rocks and debris.
I'll find a lush lagoon
to rest the goodness
inside of me.
Falling into pools
of cascading waterfalls.
Where confrontation
is temporarily, not problematic.
An island upon which
I can see clearly!
My own myopic philosophy.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

How does this theme appeal to you?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Where do you go when there is nowhere left to be. No resolution to your personal travesty.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2024-09-19 09:33

I thank...

the whatever, that we have Neo. I too, am stultified due to my environment and health. I'm glad that you have this outlet.
Are there no others where you are at, that like poetry? Or maybe you could start a workshop writing stories or something?
Anyway, we are here for you. I didn't find anything that I would correct or criticize. Your title is good, the theme is one that should be examined and talked about, and the logic is consistent. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Leslie

Thu, 2024-09-19 11:05