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The Passing of East Main St...
Across the street from the Mohawk
red and green, those neon lights
the movies that they showed there
brought pleasure to my nights
Four blocks down the street
my grade school to fifth grade
Mrs. Moore my teacher
and the reader that she made
East Main Street days are gone
they live only in memories
The apartment is demolished
there's nothing left to see
But dreams of joyful days
Mom and us older three
playing, dancing, singing songs
the house filled up with glee
Two Sheilas in the backyard
Kathy on the floor
"I've read all my books, Mom
I'm going back for more"
Tea-time with Irene and Mary
voices from long ago
"Waneta, read my tea-leaves, please?
there's things I want to know"
Is there a big, bright rainbow
where we all find peace
where the world's a better place
where wonders never cease?"
I guess Mom, Irene and Mary
are having tea again
We'll all meet up on Main street
I'll keep these memories 'till then
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I'm thinking that there is something missing, some kind of details. Something that gives it a little more substance?
I don't think that it makes any change or difference in the poem, so in the interest of being courteous and polite, I added the [please] that the AI suggested. Due to a some of my best friends and poets here, I think I have made this poem a bit better. Thank you for pushing me to add something to this one. ~ Geezer.
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Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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New York State - USA
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-05-23 16:12
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
This poem is a beautiful ode to the passing of time and the memories that remain. The use of simple language and imagery creates a sense of nostalgia and longing for a time that is now gone. The poem effectively captures the joys of childhood and the warmth of family gatherings, while also acknowledging the inevitable changes that come with time.
One suggested line edit: In the fourth stanza, consider changing "Waneta, read my tea-leaves?" to "Waneta, read my tea-leaves, please?" to improve the flow of the line.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Obadiah Grey
Wed, 2023-05-24 12:17
Ol' Iron arse is getting his
Ol' Iron arse is getting his second wind, I agree with the lil' bugger.
Obi.
Geezer
Wed, 2023-05-24 12:30
Thanks Obi...
I did, [in the interest of politeness] add the [please]. Thanks for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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author commentRula
Tue, 2023-05-23 16:20
What a joyful writing
always envy someone who's let the memories presented on papers.
Never an easy job for me though have bunch of them .
Very much enjoyed sir
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
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Geezer
Tue, 2023-05-23 21:55
Thank you Rula...
I sometimes get the poem right the first time around, and don't have to fool around with it much, but there are times that I must really work at it. I just think about how I might read it if I were to see it from another person's point of view; what would I like to see the poem reflect? How would it appear if I saw it as someone else's story? ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentLavender
Tue, 2023-05-23 22:18
The Passing of East Main Street
Hi, Geezer,
Since reading your other Main Street poems and work, I think this one has a really strong melancholy beginning to it, but centers more on the joy of the memories . You've done a great job with this. I can imagine how important this is to you - it reflects in your writing. Your love and respect flow throughout your poem. Beautiful memories. Maybe change the "those" memories to "these" memories in your final line? And there seems to be a single hanging quotation mark after: where wonders never cease? (") I may be reading it incorrectly, though. This is a treasure. Though it has a melancholy feel, it also makes me smile.
L
Geezer
Wed, 2023-05-24 08:28
I find...
your suggestion of using [these] instead of those,
has the line relfect a more current mood. As to the question mark at the end
of the fifth stanza, I used it to mark the whole stanza as a question.
I smiled all the way through this one. It was a time of joy for all of us.
My father, who was an alcoholic and very upsetting for the whole family
was away at court-ordered rehabilitation for the summer. [It didn't work].
Thank you for the kind words about my East Main St. series. I think that I am close to
finishing them, [maybe another couple]. Then it is off to find a publisher and see if they are
really ready. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentLavender
Wed, 2023-05-24 11:26
Hi, there!
I see the reason for the question mark - that is great, and gets your meaning across very well. I can tell that you enjoyed this! I noticed the quotation mark ("). Is this part of the poem a quote?
L
Geezer
Wed, 2023-05-24 12:19
No...
the quotation marks just denote a speaker line or lines. Is it something that isn't done in poetry? I've never really noticed. I just write the way I would if it were a story. Thanks for your read and comments. Yes, I do enjoy my memories of East Main St. even the ones that aren't such good memories. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2023-05-24 08:35
dear Gee,
I really like the premise of this poem. it smolders with an undercurrent of a mixture of emotions, not quite yet risen to the surface...that is what is missing. it has the building blocks of being a great poem. Please do take your time with this one...it deserves it!
*love & pickles, Cat & eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Wed, 2023-05-24 09:02
I think...
I have it but will take my time as you suggest. Thank you for your thoughtful ideas, I always listen, even if I don't use your advice, for it may prove valuable somewhere else. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentObadiah Grey
Wed, 2023-05-24 12:28
Perhaps expand a little on
Perhaps expand a little on the visual of the surrounding area after the first stanza ?
I think you've captured and human element and the characters really well.
(Would have found myself gravitating t'wards "Waneta" with a glint in my eye
and the hint of a wry smile!)
Very much enjoyed the piece, now go get yerself published young man!
Obi.
Geezer
Thu, 2023-05-25 15:15
I took...
your suggestion of a more visual look, but found that I had to add it to the beginning, rather than insert it after the first stanza.
I also had to add another stanza to make the whole thing meld together. Thanks man!
~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentRoseBlack
Thu, 2023-05-25 07:04
Memories
Priceless childhood memories well written. I love reading these type of poems and stories. Good job.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Thu, 2023-05-25 15:23
Thanks kid...
I always love to hear your comments, helps me keep on track. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentSeren
Thu, 2023-05-25 12:35
Dear Bro
I think this is a wistful poignantly beautiful winding back of time and memory. I read your after thoughts an I sometimes think when I feel there is something missing it's something that's key to, in this case, East Main Street.
Was this the one my poem inspired?
If it is, I am honoured. It's a truly beautiful poem.
Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Thu, 2023-05-25 14:57
Nope...
this isn't it! I think you will be surprised at what I am writing, it's not finished yet, but as soon as...
As always, thanks for your read and input. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2023-05-25 15:28
I got...
what you said, I added details of East Main St. and kept it within the past; things that were are part of the E. Main St. series already written and posted. It came out better than I expected. Thanks. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
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