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Paper Trails...
I have ridden the paper trail once more
The scenery is just as gorgeous as it ever was
The sands of time have drifted over the pathway
But the shadows of yesterday, are marked
by dead branches and scuffles in the dirt
Nowhere is there a sign, that says this way
The distant mountains yet to climb, were so far away
Now they loom ever closer and seem insurmountable
I will plod on through the sad times and bad weather
The mud that sucks at my soul cannot stop me
The beauty of this world intriques me
Humanity is not the blight it is reported
When the end comes and I cannot walk, I will crawl
I promise not to give up, I promise to fight
I will use my last breath to say "Screw you" to the dark
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
After speaking with a friend, who said she had been writing on paper,
I went and looked at some my old stuff on hard copy [paper]. I found things that I didn't remember
writing, but once read, understood where they came from. I've written about times that were really tough and I didn't know how I would make it through them. But here I am! I don't give up and somehow I always find the light. Thank you, Neo!
Editing stage:
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Comments
zebra
Thu, 2018-12-06 13:49
HI Geezer
Thats fuckin right on!!!!
Yes its a good poem!
I don't feel like getting all academic up in your nouns & stuff
Your write is straight forward , clear and first class heroic
Geezer
Fri, 2018-12-07 12:09
Thank you...
for the great review. I guess it was kind of heroic and I didn't mean for it to be. I don't like to be caught blowing my own horn, so I will put the mute in it and just say thanks. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
zebra
Fri, 2018-12-07 12:27
:)
if I could blow my own horn I'd never leave the house
raj
Fri, 2018-12-07 12:36
Hi Geezer
The last few words lend meaning to where this came from as too the title...
A few suggestions if I may
Humanity is not the blight it is reported
[Humanity is not the blight as supposed to be]
I promise not to give up, I promise to fight
[I promise not to give up, I'll fight on]
............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Fri, 2018-12-07 20:55
I wanted...
to keep the lines terse and sort of angry. I feel that as written, they express that better. Thank you for the comments and suggestions though, and never be uneasy about making them. I appreciate the attention to my work and always take your efforts to help, as honest critique.
P.S. In re-reading to assess your comments, I discovered that a line that I had written, did not come out as planned! I have rewritten it and it is thanks to you. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2018-12-10 02:27
A good,
A good poem about man's battles with his own will. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Geezer
Tue, 2018-12-11 17:38
Thanks Roscoe...
Yes, I battle myself all the time. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It's always nice to hear from you. Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Tue, 2018-12-11 20:47
Hi Geeze
"Paper trail"......I might just steal that line one day lol. I enjoyed this more than a lot of the free verse I read and it gives me hope that good free verse is still being written......stan
Geezer
Wed, 2018-12-12 15:08
Thanks Stan...
You are welcome to use it anytime. I just thought that a paper trail should be more than a trail of paper-work leading back to somewhere or someone. It should be something that you can follow to memories of different times. Hope that makes sense. Anyway, glad that you enjoyed. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Seren
Tue, 2019-01-22 13:29
Gee !!!
I think this poem is up there with your best if not your best. Your voice has changed. And you are wandering in different fields, beautifully written. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Screw anyone that says I shouldn't say so.
Higgliest bugs of love J xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Thu, 2019-01-24 09:47
Thanks Sis...
I try hard to keep myself fresh and go where I haven't before. Self examination is always a way to look back at where you were and try to figure out where you are going next. I appreciate your extra loving it,
it makes me feel like I've accomplished what I've set out to. Love and higgest bugs. xxx
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.