Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

One More Night Alone...

Submitted by Geezer on Wed, 2022-09-07 06:46

I can't spend one more night alone
so, I'll spend it with the blues
Drinking from the bottle of sorrow
the ice of your heart makes it cool

Cigarette smoke burns my crying eyes
as I shuffle across the floor
I ain't had a dry eye baby
since you walked out that door

Answer the phone my sweet little girl
Ooooh baby, let me fill your ear
with the music of my soul, ahhh honey
say the words you want to hear

Gently, my guitar is sure weeping
coloring my world so blue
The sound of the saxophone smooth
and it's all talking to you

So come on home, my southern comfort
make me feel alright
Don't turn a blind ear honey
Don't let me be alone tonight

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This one is for a dear friend, who is sleeping in a lonely bed.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 4th To September 10th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Wed, 2022-09-07 09:46

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi, Geezer,
The blues never felt so blue. Amazing, heat-breaking poetry.
L

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-07 11:15

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

to "Tell Me I'm Crazy", you said that you liked when I wrote free verse, and I thought about why I didn't write more of it. I was looking at Tell Me I'm Crazy and trying to figure out what is different about it, wondering how to write another. I went to my go-to and started listening to the same Blues album. I examined the lyrics and thought that there isn't any magic formula; you just write about what is in your heart. The "feel" of it is the important thing; the emotion poured into the instruments [the voice being one of them], is what counts. So, I decided to let my emotions be the guide. I think that the reason I write well in rhyme, is because I tend to think of the voice and the structure of the lines, in rhyme. The natural part of any musician is his/her association with their instruments. Mine happens to be voice and with that, rhyme. Once in a while, I happen to get a free verse just right, [it "feels" right]. Thank you so much, for your encouragement. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2022-09-07 12:15

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

is definitely the perfect instrument.
L

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-07 12:35

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

your comments are always much appreciated. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Michael Anthony

Wed, 2022-09-07 10:26

Michael Anthony's picture
Volunteer badge

Good stuff Geez! Very bluesy and visual - my favorite lines:

The sound of the saxophone smooth
and it's all talking to you

So come on home, my southern comfort
make me feel alright

Best

Michael Anthony

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-07 11:34

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

your read and comments. I love the sound of a "Blues" saxophone. It sounds so mournful, like a wailing wolf. Who can hear a wolf cry in the night, and not be moved? The saxophone has a tender, coaxing sound, that begs for the rest of the pack to join in. Or in the case of a lone wolf, an answer. The South is legendary for hospitality and the comforts of home, the whiskey smooth and warm, even with ice. So yes, comparing a woman to a bottle of whiskey... the double meaning here is what was intended. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2022-09-07 14:11

Volunteer badge

I read this for the title then was sucked in by the honest display of loneliness. In my opinion one of your best

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-07 16:03

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Glad to hear that I hooked you with the title. I spent some time on that. As to sucking you in with the honest display of loneliness, I'm glad for that too! As in my last words, it is for a dear friend of mine, who is sleeping in a bed of loneliness. The circumstances are not quite the same, [he's not drinking] but she did leave him because of an argument. Like me, he is a big fan of blues guitar and saxophone. Thanks for stopping by ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Triskelion

Wed, 2022-09-07 19:49

Triskelion's picture
Volunteer badge

Rhyme just brings out the language needed to complete a wonderful verse like you have here. Need to agree with scribbler about the title drawing me in also. Overall, your language, title and theme are in complete harmony. I couldn't imagine them not being lyrics to a popular song.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-07 20:57

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Matter of fact, I am thinking of having someone look at it, to see what they think of making it into a song. He has already done one, but not a blues type thing. Hopefully, he has an idea of what it will take, or maybe do it himself! As always, thanks for the read and wonderful comments. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Jackweb

Thu, 2022-09-08 07:55

Jackweb's picture

What a sweet cheery poem you have penned! The letters danced in the niche of your goodness.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Geezer

Thu, 2022-09-08 09:26

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

you always manage to make my day. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Jackweb

Thu, 2022-09-08 11:15

Jackweb's picture

Day by day you always write a new thing. I like your inspirations.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.