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Fighting for Throne
Fighting for the throne
From what you've heard
This throne is power and virtue
and you would be enslaved
Fighting for the throne
with heart and mind
Using subzero strategy
you will lose your objective
Fighting for the throne
with a pure heart
Your safety is in hand
and your vote will be counted
Fighting for the throne
With the voice of a plebian
simple and straight-forward
only your heart will be free.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Not Explicit Content
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Osun
Favorite Poets
William Wordsworth, Niyi Osundare, Wole Soyinka, J.P Clack
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Comments
Jackweb
Sun, 2022-05-01 13:30
Repetition heightens poetic effect!
To convey poet's intention,...
some times meaning accrues through repetition and emphasize a particular point. It creates rhythm or it develop a sense of urgency. It also draws the attention of the reader. Repetition of a phrase can convince it's reader of a truth. Yet, it can create a sense of boredom and complacency.
The only suggestion I can offer here, upper case is acceptable in every single line if after comma is a proper noun.
I would like to read more of your works!
Nice piece!
Welcome to neopoet!
From Jackwebb!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Geezer
Sun, 2022-05-01 15:02
I am sure that...
you will
be advised to keep reading and learning
how to present a line and write great poetry.
You have great ideas and I like your theme.
Applying some little changes will make your work sing.
Fighting for [the] throne
[From] what you've heard
[This] throne is power and virtue
and you would be enslave[d]
Fighting for the throne
with heart and mind
[Using] subzero strategy
you will lose your objective
Fighting for the throne
with a pure heart
Your safety is in hand
and your vote will be counted
Fighting for the throne
With the voice of a plebian
simple and straight-forward
only your heart will be free
A good piece. As always, the advice you get here is yours for the taking, use it or not.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Mr joghe
Tue, 2022-05-03 16:58
I like your comment
I like your comment
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
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