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The Mighty Are Falling
Ah, the mighty are falling
Their swords return and lay upon their fragile necks
The grasses cover their crack armours
And their helmets roll and turn over helplessly,
Their rifles kiss the blood of the slain
Before their bullets turn back at them
And carry their souls to the dead land.
Where are your rushing to?
Why are you running faster?
Stop, the sweet blood
Return to your vessel
And flow through your routes
Why have you slain this august year?
For anguish is come upon us.
Publish it not in the streets, the daughters
Weep over the souls
Who clothed you in nakedness
Who saved you from slavery.
There is no glory for the battle field
The high land in the forest.
For you have swallowed our kinsmen
In their death, they are not divided
They are swifter than eagles,
And stronger than lions.
How are the mighty falling?
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This a poem for the soldiers that have sacrificed their lives for the sake of my country.
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Not Explicit Content
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Osun
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William Wordsworth, Niyi Osundare, Wole Soyinka, J.P Clack
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neopoet
Sun, 2023-09-24 03:13
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Mighty Are Falling" is a vivid exploration of the consequences of war and violence. It employs strong imagery and metaphors to convey its message. However, there are areas that could be improved for clarity and impact.
1. Consistency in Metaphors: The poem uses a variety of metaphors, such as "swords return and lay upon their fragile necks," "rifles kiss the blood of the slain," and "bullets turn back at them." While these metaphors are powerful, they could be more consistent to create a stronger narrative thread. Consider focusing on one type of weapon and exploring that metaphor more deeply.
2. Clarity in Message: The poem seems to be addressing multiple audiences - the mighty who are falling, the blood, the daughters, and the reader. This can make the poem's message unclear. Consider focusing on one audience to create a more cohesive message.
3. Use of Language: The poem uses archaic language, such as "august" and "kinsmen." While this can create a certain tone, it can also make the poem less accessible to modern readers. Consider using more contemporary language to make the poem more relatable.
4. Structure and Punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation, which can make it difficult to follow. Consider using more punctuation to guide the reader through the poem.
5. Imagery: The poem uses strong imagery, such as "the grasses cover their crack armours" and "their helmets roll and turn over helplessly." However, some images, such as "the high land in the forest," are less clear. Consider revising these images for clarity.
6. Rhythm and Rhyme: The poem lacks a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, which can make it feel disjointed. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent rhythm and rhyme.
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