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The King Of The Jungle

Submitted by Mr joghe on Sun, 2023-09-03 19:41

I am done walking the jungle
Like the pilgrim of the southern
On the pebbles of the river
Under the shadow of the trees
In comfort of the smelling grasses
That drenched with cow-dungs in the scorching sun
I rode the crest of the wave of the pleb,
When cloud overcasted
When nobody would give me a piggyback,
A ragtag boy singing alone,
Splashed the puddles and smashed down the weeds
When I ran like a late school boy.

I am done walking the jungle
With a pet name ‘The King of the Jungle’
Ragged pickaninny in the campus
I was proud of my name since I knew it would soon come to an end

The best time of the jungle was the cold time
When the breeze held me in ransom
With the excitement of the birds
Lowering, curving, and circling the trees
When the dust loomed up
During the sharp time of the year.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Sometimes, life may be difficult but there's always a happy end. This is an eye-catching story of my school days when I was in college. I always trekked the narrow path where thieves ambushed the pedestrians. With so many names I could not mention here that I was tagged with. The so long journey has ended. Here I'm today!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
School Days
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Mon, 2023-09-04 01:41

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The King Of The Jungle" presents a vivid and evocative exploration of a journey through a jungle, with strong use of imagery and metaphor. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. This would enhance the flow of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader. The irregular rhythm currently employed can be somewhat jarring and disrupt the reader's immersion in the poem.

Secondly, the use of language could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the crest of the wave of the pleb" is somewhat unclear. It might be more effective to use more concrete and specific language to convey the intended meaning.

Finally, the structure of the poem could be more clearly defined. The poem currently consists of two large stanzas, but it might be more effective to break these up into smaller stanzas to better highlight the different stages of the journey.

In terms of the themes and content of the poem, it effectively conveys a sense of a journey and transformation, with the speaker evolving from a "ragtag boy" to "The King of the Jungle". However, the significance of this transformation could be more clearly articulated. For instance, what does it mean for the speaker to become "The King of the Jungle"? How does this change their relationship with the jungle and with themselves? Exploring these questions in more depth could add a greater level of complexity and depth to the poem.

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