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Favorite Wintery Memory... Neopoet Random challenge

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2022-12-06 18:14

My circulation wasn't like sludge
back in those winter days
Although I was fully-grown
I hadn't changed my playful ways

My kids and half the neighborhood
would pile into my van
armed with sleds and tire-tubes
gloves, for frozen hands

The slopes resounded with our shouts
and tumbles down the hill
Who can forget those great winter days?
I know I never will

The time we set the world on fire
our bon-fire was too big
All at once the fire department
was there with their biggest rig

They laughed and said keep it down
they thought the woods afire
We offered them all a little drink
" We can't", though there was desire

So yeah, it was a really good time
we had snow and laughter
It's something that I remember
through the years that came after

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Thanks to my fellow poets for the useful critique and helping me make this better.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
December 2022 Random Challenge Favorite wintry memory
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Jackweb

Tue, 2022-12-06 22:55

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Your piece drove my mind back during those years of childhood. I could remember, my dad had a pickup Datsun then. Any time he drives out every children hops on to enjoy the hitch hike! In fact, childhood memories is very important in our lives. It makes us to remember the best times of our lives. They shape our thinking and future. They do not necessarily define us but they surely play a great role. Beautiful composition Gee...
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"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 10:00

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I am glad that I could connect with you on this one. It does make for a great part of the neighborhood, to have these kinds of relationships with the children. ~ Geez.
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Triskelion

Wed, 2022-12-07 02:16

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...nothing like getting soaked to the skin sledding down the hills, panting and rosey-nosed with the comfort of a bonfire to dry it all off afterward. Your usual rhyme and metre compliment this fun look back on more carefree times.

I would change the word childish to playful, though.

Cheers!

Thomas

.
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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 10:04

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to see that you must have had similar experiences. I think that we have grown too apart from the old adage "It takes a village to raise a child." or something like that. ~ Thank you for your usual keen sense of the ideas I write about. I will use your suggestion. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-12-07 05:57

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I love your storytelling ways. this tale made me think of younger days and drinking hot chocolate (with honey instead of sugar) after a great day sledding and also skiing. I have but one suggestion:

The hill resounded with our shouts
and tumbles down the hill

maybe you could change one of the (Hill) to slopes . I just think it would make for a smoother read. otherwise, it is perfect.

*h & L, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 10:08

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for your [as usual] great review, and the suggestion. I will use it! Also, glad that you have those memories that you can look back on. ~ Geez.
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Lavender

Wed, 2022-12-07 08:56

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Hi, Geezer,
I'll join in thanking you for the trip down memory lane. I've enjoyed similar days as a child, then with my children and grands. Much to like here and I really enjoyed the huge bon-fire that set the world on fire! Good times and great memories.
Thank you!
L

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 20:43

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we did get a little rowdy at times. Actually, we weren't even supposed to be there in the first place. We got bold after a while of using it and no one came and told us we had to leave...so, we turned on the lift and that got a response! The police came, and we thought we were all in big trouble. The chief of police said we were good until we used the lift. Then, they had to step-in,
letting us know that wasn't ok. They shut it off, took the keys and left without saying anything else! We continued for at least a couple more years until I moved away. Love the interaction on this one!~ Geez.
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Lavender

Thu, 2022-12-08 10:45

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the better it gets! :)
L

Geezer

Thu, 2022-12-08 12:15

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were owned and operated by the city of Torrington, Ct.
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lovedly

Wed, 2022-12-07 10:16

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I HAVE been in SNOW minus 35 degrees
believe it or not 24 chilled winters
Gee

ODE for u you skip

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 10:26

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Yes, minus 35 degrees, is damned cold, even in Fahrenheit. ~ Geez.
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Rosewood Apothecary

Wed, 2022-12-07 12:36

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I remember sledding all day as a kid. Of course we only came home for lunch and dinner on days off of school anyway. We take the kids and they usually do ok. Smaller guy gets cold fast, so he quits pretty fast. Daughter is older and she’ll be drenched and still out there. All in all they spend a lot less time outside than I did as a child.

I see you implemented some corrections before I got to reading and I agree with those.

Great job
Tim

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 20:33

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I always appreciate when I get responses like yours, a little bit of memory, a little bit of praise, a little bit of critique!
Yeah, Mother Nature is a great teacher! Lessons like; "If you mess up, I'm gonna hurt you", or "I'll show you a good time for free." Well, we didn't have as much in the way of technology as they do today and I'm sure if we did, we would have put some wear on it. Thanks again, for your comments. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Pryderi Duntz.

Wed, 2022-12-07 15:26

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I read this piece and enjoyed it. The last stanza confused a little, but the feedback filled in the gap.

The thing is, In England Bonfires are primarily associated with 5th of November. Guy Fawkes Night or otherwise called Bonfire Night.

So with that cleared up, and now understanding the context of the bonfire I would say a lovely piece of childhood and Wintertime nostalgia.

Thanks Geeze

Pryderi ap Duntz
“are you for The Art or The Mathematic?”

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 20:50

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Yeah, kinda figured that. In the Northeast, bonfires are a part of any outdoor-winter stuff. Glad that you enjoyed it. ~ Geezer.
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RoseBlack

Wed, 2022-12-07 17:06

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Snow tubing was my favorite! My dad used to take me over to the elementary school where there were endless hills. Sometimes a friend would join me! Thank you for bringing back those memories!

~RoseBlack~

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-07 20:55

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to favor using tubes, because the sleds and other stuff got going too fast and offered no protection for the littler kids, in case of run-away sleds or such. Glad I brought those memories back. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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