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Cycles of Hell (cat's challenge)

It started with the batting of an eye
A voice that made the heart skip
Touches that made pheramones drip
Spurned into a vicious lie

Slide the blade across your throat
That was all she wrote
Your name in blood
Amidst a sanguine flood

Drawn from the knives left in her back
After all your sneak attacks
Lying lips get far worse than stitches
Next will be all your snitches

Ring around the Roses
Pocket full of Poses
Your body's turned to ashes
Lit it up with gasoline and matches

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Cycles of Hell (cat's challenge)" presents a strong narrative with vivid imagery and a clear emotional resonance. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

Firstly, the rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem seem inconsistent. The first stanza follows an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this is not maintained throughout the poem, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a more cohesive and rhythmic piece.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more nuanced language and metaphor. While the imagery is striking, it is quite direct and literal. Using more subtle and complex metaphors could add depth to the poem and allow for more varied interpretations.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. While the themes of betrayal and revenge are evident, they could be explored in a more nuanced way. This could be achieved by delving deeper into the emotions and motivations of the characters, rather than focusing solely on their actions.

In conclusion, while the poem has a strong narrative and emotional resonance, it could be improved by refining the rhythm and rhyme scheme, using more nuanced language and metaphor, and exploring its themes in a more complex and nuanced way.

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This response to my challenge is so delicious! Every line building, leading up to a well pitched climax. I love the contrast between Hell's fire delivered in frigid cold precession! I call this a dandy of a poem,it is highly satisfying... every line building up to a killer finish! I cannot choose favorite lines as they are all brilliant and impactful!

thank you for accepting my challenge!
*ever, eddy styx

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for such high praise. Your challenges are always fun and intriguing. Glad you enjoyed it!


author comment

I agree with everything that Cat has said, I do wish that you had paid a bit more attention to the meter. A tale of terror to be sure! ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Isn't one of my favorite things. I write to write and sometimes it's hard enough to try and rhyme. I'm glad you liked it despite my affliction with meter.


author comment

This could easily be mistaken for an eddy styx poem. The poem gives life to a rage that is well justified and has turned a bit insane. The last verse is my favorite, though, as the subject gets a bit giddy with the final result. Well done!


That ending just kind of happened! Glad you enjoyed and I am touched to be held in such high esteem with Eddy.


author comment

You have done it again. I loved your poem, it again show a dark side of life or thinking that you do so well.

I love when Cat gives us a challenge. It always makes me dig deep and pull out that darkness. Glad you enjoyed


author comment
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