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Between Roses and Razor Blades
Here I sit
Lost inside my head
Wrapped around a blanket
Of existential dread
There's no way out; I've lost my faith
In everything but you; I hold dear
In your arms; there's nothing left to fear
I'll see you again between roses and razor blades
If I told you that I love you
Would it even matter
The blood's beginning to spatter
Hold me as I fade into the abysmal darkness
Barbed wire piercing my flesh
The petals are beginning to die
I was never good at goodbye
Let me go, I'm just a waste of time
I've lost my faith
In everything but you; I hold dear
There is no more fear
I'll see you again between roses and razor blades
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-11-23 23:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, titled "Between Roses and Razor Blades," presents a vivid exploration of despair and longing. The use of imagery and metaphor is striking, particularly the juxtaposition of roses and razor blades, which effectively conveys a sense of emotional turmoil.
However, there are areas that could benefit from further refinement. For instance, the line "There's no way out; I've lost my faith" could be restructured for clarity. The semicolon suggests a connection between the two clauses, but it's not immediately clear how they relate.
The phrase "In everything but you; I hold dear" also seems to be grammatically incorrect. A more coherent phrasing might be "In everything but you, who I hold dear."
The repetition of the line "I'll see you again between roses and razor blades" serves to reinforce the central theme of the poem. However, the meaning of this phrase could be clarified. Is the speaker suggesting a meeting point between beauty and pain, or is it a metaphor for death?
The line "Hold me as I fade into the abysmal darkness" is a powerful expression of despair, but the word "abysmal" might be considered redundant, as darkness often carries connotations of negativity.
Lastly, the line "Let me go, I'm just a waste of time" could be interpreted as self-deprecating, which may not be the intended message. If the speaker is meant to be expressing a sense of worthlessness, this could be conveyed in a more nuanced way.
Overall, the poem effectively uses imagery and repetition to convey a sense of despair and longing. With some adjustments for clarity and nuance, it could be even more impactful.
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Candlewitch
Fri, 2023-11-24 07:28
Dear Lady of Darkest Night,
Here I sit
Lost inside my head
Wrapped around a blanket
Of existential dread
(I love that! And everything in-between!)
I've lost my faith
In everything but you; I hold dear
There is no more fear
I'll see you again between roses and razor blades
A most eloquent and profound suicide note... I was worried for a second...then I thought of your immense reserves of self-restraint. you be careful, now. Ya hear.
*ever, eddy styx
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-11-24 08:29
Thank you Eddy and Cat
This took me a little bit to get the way I wanted it. I was hoping to work it into a song but we shall see. Sometimes we just need the internal pain to stop and there seems to be no other way out. Thank you for your comments and read as always.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Fri, 2023-11-24 07:44
p.s.
Your titles always blow me away!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-11-24 08:30
Thank you
This popped into my head. I played around with some variations of it and this just fit.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Fri, 2023-11-24 15:53
I can see this...
as a song. Pretty heavy stuff, I wonder what the music would sound like. I think maybe, it would be very solemn and loud bass. Anyway, I got it. ~ Geez.
.
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RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-11-24 17:22
I'm not
Sure what the music would sound like...probably as heavy as the words. Definitely loud bass and guitars. Thank you for the read and comment
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Fri, 2023-11-24 17:19
Between Roses and Razor Blades
Hello, Carrie,
I can also easily see (hear) this as a song. Bold imagery and language all the way through. My favorite line is actually one of the most simple: "I was never good at goodbye." a catchy line says so much!
Thank you,
L
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-11-24 17:23
Thank you
Glad you enjoyed! I'm hoping it may be worked into a song at some point. Maybe a little Pearl Jam influence...
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Fri, 2023-11-24 17:30
Oh, that would be so...
COOL! :)
L