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Apple Pie
Apples
Fall down
From the tree
Gathered up by hand
Cleaned before we eat
Cut into small pieces
Placed into a fluted pan
Baked with delight in a formed crust
Set on the table to be eaten
Always remembered as a homemade treat
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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-25 10:13
I like...
the format, as it seemingly portrays the apples falling from the tree, the cleaning and preparation of them for the baking and ultimate consumption as pie.
Apples
Fall down
From the tree
Gathered up by hand
Cleaned before we eat
Cut into small pieces
Placed in a fluted pan
Baked with delight in a formed crust
Set on the table to be eaten
Always remembered as a homemade treat
Reminding me of grandma's apple pies, that I helped make, and enjoyed even more because of it.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Clentin
Sat, 2023-02-25 15:08
Thank you i am trying
Thank you i am trying different forms of poetry.
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2023-02-25 15:17
dear Clentin,
a very enjoyable read! thank you for sharing with us.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Clentin
Sat, 2023-02-25 15:57
Thank you. I am experimenting
Thank you. I am experimenting with some forms of poetry that i don't have a lot if experience with.
Learning.
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2023-02-25 16:02
dear Clentin,
I think you are doing just fine!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Sat, 2023-02-25 20:49
Apple Pie
Hello, Clentin,
This is a lovely "be in the present moment" poem. Much more here than making pie. It's like a step-by-step recipe for a peaceful afternoon. Is this a certain form, are you counting syllables or words? Because I am wondering if you need "down" and "up" in those sentences. You may be using them to offer contrast, but if not, sometimes it's nice to pare (pun intended) down word usage. It opens the poem a bit, lets it breathe.
Apples
Fall from the tree
Gathered by hand...
Another delightful poem!
Thank you,
L
Clentin
Sun, 2023-02-26 08:05
I was trying to write a nonet
I was trying to write a nonet using syllables.
I hope or thought i had it right
author commentLavender
Sun, 2023-02-26 10:08
Hello, Clentin,
Aah! Interesting! This is a beautiful poem with a very lovely form, but not actually a nonet (meaning 9). I can share what I've recently discovered about the nonet, which I find to be fun and clever to write. The structure of a nonet would be 9 lines, the first line consisting of 9 syllables and each following line decreasing in syllables by one, so that the final line would be a word with one syllable. The form has a declining appearance, like an upside down pyramid. There are so many wonderful poetry structures to learn,
I do agree with the others that your poem forms a nice visual of a tree, specifically apple as it travels into becoming a pie.
Thank you!
L
Clentin
Sun, 2023-02-26 12:31
Thanks
Thanks
I was trying to write
The Etheree is a syllabic form named after its inventor, the Arkansas poet, Etheree Armstrong Taylor. Consisting of ten lines, the Etheree starts with a one syllable line, then adds one syllable per line, until the last line of ten syllables for an total of 55 syllables. In other words the syllabic structure is as follows:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.
author commentLavender
Sun, 2023-02-26 20:29
Hello, Clentin,
This sounds like a very cool form! I'll give it a try sometime. Thank you for the great information!
L
Seren
Sun, 2023-02-26 03:11
Dear Clentin
This brings back memories for me I never ate the apple pies, but the smell always makes me think of my grandmothers who were both excellent cooks.
I love the form it looks like half a tree; I think you're doing an amazing job while you step into unknown worlds of poetry, personally I think you're smashing it
Another solid write well done.
Kind regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats