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Bullied
As identical twins we were bound by the same blood
Always compared from the instant we were born
Those who passed by the newborn section began the comparison
We were viewed as the same yet as so very different
Everyone whispered behind our backs
Beginning with teachers as early as kindergarten
In first grade the battle really began
We were placed in different rooms
The teachers in each room looked at every grade we received
They compared our writing, our math grades
They even compared our IQ tests
Started in grade one and continued until graduation
Our names were rhymed which added to our daily torment
Like clothing was always a cause for laugh
Bullied by classmates was hard to endure
Bullied by teachers was even more
In the end twins we will always be
We faced the struggles throughout life
Emerging stronger because we had each other
Bullies have gone but we will remain the same
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-03-06 00:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Bullied" effectively conveys a narrative of identical twins facing constant comparison and bullying. The use of specific instances, such as the comparison of grades and IQ tests, lends a sense of authenticity to the experiences described.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied and descriptive language. The use of more vivid imagery and metaphor could enhance the emotional impact of the poem. For instance, instead of stating "bullied by classmates was hard to endure," the poem could describe specific instances or feelings that encapsulate this experience.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show. The line "bullied by teachers was even more" could be more effective if it showed how this was more difficult, rather than simply stating it.
The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. If a rhyme scheme is to be used, it should be consistent throughout the poem to create a rhythmic flow.
Finally, the poem could explore the theme of identity more deeply. The poem touches on the twins' struggle with their identity due to constant comparison, but this could be further developed. For example, the poem could delve into how the twins see themselves versus how others see them.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates a narrative of twinhood and bullying, but could benefit from more descriptive language, showing rather than telling, a consistent rhyme scheme, and a deeper exploration of identity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Wed, 2024-03-06 20:46
Wow...
this sounds like the story of my next door neighbor, who passed away two years ago. Him and his brother were twins who were bullied, but then they grew up some, and being farmer boys who were on the football team, they stuck together, and made a good landscaping business and went to college and then the brother was taken in a tragic accident and Bob was never the same. His past was full of stories about the things that he and his brother did. Sorry, didn't mean to rattle on... but
Your writing was good enough to bring this back clearly. Nice job, ~ Geez.
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Clentin
Wed, 2024-03-06 20:50
Thank you for reading and
Thank you for reading and commenting. Being a twin always brings about some bullying. Many times people do not realize what t(eir words bring about.
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