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Poppet
In situ
Detached from existence
Threadbare and stupefied
In an airless room
Buttons for eyes
Weep tarry drops
Inaudible sounds
Through dried up blood
Arms that flounder
Without the rope
Legs that will not stand
Waiting for her master to come again
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2023-03-18 10:45
Sometimes...
in waiting for the situation to change, we discover more about ourselves, than we want to know. I admire your bravery in admitting that, but remember, that there are changes and there are changes; some will have occurred in the situation too!
I do believe that you see a light on the top of the hill. I will be glad to see you reach the summit. Excellent work! I am so proud of you!
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-03-18 10:51
Thank you!
For your words of encouragement and the high praise for this poem! There have certainly been a lot of changes and I am sure more to come. It was a long way back up from the very bottom but I couldn't have done it without the support system I have (you included). The dark side is still alive and well and felt the need to write this poem. :) Glad you enjoyed!
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:04
Our Darkside...
is most likely what keeps us from going over the edge. We write, we learn. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:25
Absolutely
I've always had a thing for the macabre!
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:25
Poppet
Hello, Carrie,
This really tugs at my heart. Such an endearing title, and then the vulnerable emotions following. Something about it reminds of the Velveteen Rabbit, but with a deeper, more personal feel. Beautiful and moving.
L
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:28
Thank you L
The Velveteen Rabbit was such a classic story. I read it many times as a child and I can remember feeling so sad as I had a very old teddy bear that many wanted me to get rid of as I got older. He still sits on my book case at my parents house, untouched, a bit worse for wares from all the love he received, but still as important as ever. I think Poppet is the human equivalent of such characters and how we can feel so worn out and pushed aside until we are wanted again. Thank you for your comment and for seeing the deeper meaning in this.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:34
How wonderful
that your bear is still available for you! I just love that!
L
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:36
He is indeed
My parents never once mentioned getting rid of him as he aged or as I aged for that matter. He was very special to me growing up (received him for my second Christmas). We had to put him in doll clothes to keep his stuffing in but he certainly looks dapper sitting with some of my favorite books!
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sat, 2023-03-18 11:41
So sweet!
I love everything about that!
xxx
Candlewitch
Sat, 2023-03-18 15:33
dear Carrie,
darkness passed leaves a trace, an imprint that dogs us. it can be used to gauge future situations. I feel the desperation of this poem. the anguish of the wait. I like it. I am partial to the macabre.
*hugs and respect, Cat & eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-03-18 15:45
Hi Cat and Eddy
I am also partial to the macabre, particularly living dolls..perhaps because I felt that way for so long...it will always be something that fascinates me and I enjoy writing...even when there is truth to it
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sat, 2023-03-18 16:09
yes!
I understand completely!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
andrew
Sat, 2023-03-18 17:24
Computer critique
As an experiment, we are using a leading large language model (in other words, AI) to provide critiques of poems that were posted recently. Please let us know what you think.
Computer critique:
"Poppet" is a free verse poem that creates a haunting and eerie atmosphere through vivid imagery and a strong sense of detachment. The poem explores the emotions and experiences of a doll, using descriptive language to convey the sense of lifelessness and desolation that permeates the scene.
The poem begins with the words "In situ," immediately establishing the doll's fixed and unchanging position. The subsequent lines describe the doll's detachment from existence, emphasizing the lifeless and desolate atmosphere of the scene. The image of the "airless room" further contributes to this atmosphere, as it suggests a sense of confinement and suffocation.
The second stanza uses imagery to portray the doll's physical appearance, with "buttons for eyes" that "weep tarry drops" and "inaudible sounds" that come "through dried up blood." These images evoke feelings of sorrow, decay, and abandonment, which reinforce the poem's haunting tone.
The third stanza focuses on the doll's limbs, describing its arms as "flounder[ing] without the rope" and its legs as being unable to stand. These images emphasize the doll's helplessness and dependency on its "master," who has seemingly abandoned it.
One of the poem's strengths is its ability to evoke a powerful sense of atmosphere through vivid imagery and descriptive language. The haunting and eerie tone is skillfully conveyed through the images of the doll's lifeless and decaying state.
However, the poem could benefit from further development of the doll's emotions and experiences. This might be achieved through the use of metaphors or similes, or by providing more context about the doll's history and relationship with its master. Such development could enhance the emotional resonance of the poem and encourage the reader to engage more deeply with the doll's plight.
In conclusion, "Poppet" is a haunting and atmospheric poem that uses vivid imagery to convey a sense of lifelessness and desolation. The poem effectively explores the emotions and experiences of a doll, evoking feelings of sorrow and abandonment. By further developing the doll's emotions and experiences, the poem could become even more emotionally resonant and engaging for the reader.
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-03-18 18:57
This was spot on
Thank you! This could not be more accurate and I agree it could use further detail regarding the relationship between the doll and its master.
~RoseBlack~
Leslie
Sun, 2023-03-19 02:31
Darkness!
I can't even really make a good reply! I've read quite a bit since I began this poetic journey and
when I read this and the comments of others. I have to say that I stand stupefied by your ability
to describe this dark, dark feeling and or what is reality for people all too often. This poem resounds
on so many levels and in so many ways. Thank you and everyone else that left a comment.
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-03-19 06:40
Thank you so much
And you are absolutely right about the difference between a rut and a grave. It has taken me a long time to be able to release all these emotions and writing serves as that outlet. I'm glad you liked this!
~RoseBlack~
Leslie
Sun, 2023-03-19 07:08
Rose Black
Thanks again, I will follow you closer in the future.
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-03-20 10:16
Timing
Ok so when your timing is that good rhyme is not necessary. There’s a bunch of nuanced little things here that make this work. There is no discernible structure as far as syllables count but it suggests a certain pattern. I think I’m reading it in 6 beats per line and allowing for rests. Really great language.
Tim
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-03-20 10:26
Thanks Tim
There is usually very little structure to my writing unless I am following a strict form. I am glad you enjoyed this! I am utilizing online sources to help with language etc. Thank you for your comment and read. As always, I value your opinion and critique.
~RoseBlack~