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Vignette Au Gratin...

"Damn, it was a hunnert and fifty out there today
So I stopped into Sam's Place
just to check out who was around, ya know?
Heeey! I only had one... Swear ta God!"

T.V. reporter in the background

Wow! Can you imagine that?
Today, I was intrigued by reports of a radio-signal
from as much as 8.8 billions of light-years away!
And did you hear about that electric-car that...

"Why ya gotta watch that kinda stuff on T.V."?
Ya make me feel like I'm some kinda dummy or somethin'"

Because, Snookum's, I want to make something of myself
so that when you toss me aside for some young thing in spandex
I will have something to fall back on."

"Oh honey, I would neve..."

Smmmmmmuh, smmmmuh

" Com'on Honey, let's get a plane...
Go somewhere or somthin'
I just wanna relax for a while"

You don't care about me!
You don't want me to have nice things
I want to stay young and beautiful
for you, for the rest of YOUR life!

So, Daddy will just have to go make
another movie, flex those pecs
or whatever they call them
and I'll let you kiss a couple of bimbos...
so I can get my new car.

"The titles read of twisted logic
and in the background of his rage
weren't words of love, screamed out loud
but curses written upon her page."

"Why is it that you can't write
about stuff that really matters?"
Like football, eating and drinking beer
Rebel flags that fly in tatters."

"I bring you stories from far away
wars and big monster trucks
You don't want to write about that
you want a story that really sucks"

"So get those stories, your own damned self
I am surely done with...
Oh com'on, don't cry like that
I'll go get another lover's myth"

"Your kisses are all I want
in return you have to see
Just once in awhile, try to write
a tale that will interest me!"

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I hope this will meet the challenge given to me about a male muse and a female author. It didn't turn out quite like I started it and I surely never foresaw the end result. Sometimes, when I start a piece, it takes off on its' own and cannot be reined in. So, I let this one have its' head and sat back to see what came of it.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

"Why is it that you can't write
about stuff that really matters?"
Like football, eating and drinking beer
Rebel flags that fly in tatters."

now you get a comment from a male muse written by a female writer:
I Love those lines...about snorted my cranberry juice! (the Packer's blew the playoffs coming out of the gate) you met the challenge with artistry and humor!

*ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I had hoped that it would be something different, proving that a male muse would be as good or better than a female muse.
I am not sure that I accomplished the mission, but here it is! ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

if you are not happy with your results, you can write another. you should always be content with your creation and wanting to share it.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I am quite pleased with it, just not sure if it satisfied the challenge. I like the way that I mingled the two forms and think that I should do stuff like this more often. ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I want you to know I was was here. I will come back to this tomorrow when I've had a little sleep. I have thoughts to share and I want to do this the justice it deserves. I can see you've worked hard on this.

Love & higgliest bugs Sis xoxox

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

Yeah, I did good according to the challenger; so, I'm satisfied. ~ Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

This was great and you certainly rose to the challenge but I like your female muse better. I think you mix well!

~RoseBlack~

I like her better too, but he's alright. His mistress is just a little cranky lately, you know? I was going for the stereo-type thing, I guess I did it right, because she said I did good! ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I think that it did come out rather well. I'm glad that I could afford you a little pleasure. A laugh a day keeps the blues away.
~ Geezer.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

have had little to no regard for the fact that the writer was urging her muse to go make another movie so that she could have nice things and gain a new car and make herself beautiful for the rest of HIS life! And how long do you think he is going to live while he is tied to a woman who doesn't give two craps about his life? [Who did you think the first part of it was about?] What about his absolute love for her and tolerance for her selfishness? She doesn't care anything about him, just his ability to make the money! He's a sweet guy who just wants a little vacation, but she doesn't care less! What do you want to bet that she has NEVER asked him how his day went or what he wants to do? Dimwitted? Yes, he doesn't see that she is the one who will divorce him and take half or more of his hard-earned money and go off with the pool-boy that was hired to take care of the pool that he put in for her. [He would just as soon gone to the beach.] ~ Geezer

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

Nobody needs a football poem. Lol. I’ve broken my addiction to the NFL. I haven’t watched a single snap. I’m trying to detach myself from obligations that don’t serve my creativity.

So the poem is good. Realistically there’s not anything wrong with it but…it feels forced. That’s probably because I know it is. Maybe forced is the wrong word but I can feel that you were “trying” to write about something. It felt unGeezer. It is coming from a different place so it does make sense that it would feel different.

I’m not saying it’s bad poetry
It reads like your writing but it kinda feels off

Tim

you can fool some of the people some of the time, and others all of the time, but you can't fool yourself about fooling everybody. You are right about it being something I was "trying" to write. I took up a challenge. I was "trying" to accept the challenge and I was also being facetious in my portrayal of the male muse. The stereotypical "male". I think I succeeded admirably! The challenger was satisfied, as was I. As to the NFL, I couldn't really care less about football these days. I only tune in to a game that "promises" to be a great game. I no longer feel I owe allegiance to the teams of my youth, and I am just as liable to stand up and cheer for the "other" team if they make an awesome play! [Imagine that, in a room full of drunken fans of the "favorite" team? I feel that I managed to satisfy the urge to take up the challenge and do something unusual when I melded a vignette to rhyme. Thanks for your honest opinion. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I have bubbled on this all night. And day. I know what's bothering me. It's a little language use and a little format. Would you permit me to have a tweak? I have a lot of thoughts and I think it's got the bones of a really good poem.

I'll wait for you to answer before I go head first into doing my thing.

Love & higgliest Bugs Sis xxx

"My head is broken but unbowed" - William Ernest Henley

the meld of the vignette didn't work the way I wanted it to. The first part was to establish that the muse was a likeable guy who only wanted a few kisses and a little vacation. He is a simple guy who likes football, eating good food and making her happy. She is all about making her happy. She is liable to take off with the pool boy and half of everything he owns.
~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I like the guy and she's an idiot for not seeing how valuable he is.

~RoseBlack~

I was hoping that people would get that. He's unsure of himself, because he doesn't feel like he's smart enough, and she reinforces that, to make sure that he always tries to please her without thought of maybe he doesn't need to match her. He doesn't always want things his way, just sometimes. He will always make excuses for her bad behavior and tries hard to give her whatever she wants. He does bring her stories about pretty things and stories of courage, honor and love, but wishes that every once in a while, she would write about something HE feels passionate about. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

Someone everyone needs in their lives...she is just too stupid to see it...too many times we miss what is right in front of our own eyes because we are busy chasing what we think is bigger.

~RoseBlack~

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