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Those Days of Winged Wonder
The rose and the lily, the blue bell and daisy.
The days bathed in sunlight all hallowed and hazy.
I loved them that summer when girl she came calling,
laid by me in long grass, in love with me falling.
The damp, diamond dew drops: her tears that I’ll treasure.
Her light-hearted laughter, her smile of pure pleasure.
The bright balm-filled breezes, the nectar from kisses:
My mouth, on this morning, so madly it misses!
The girl of my dreaming, in jeans, rarely dresses.
The touch of her fingertips, gentle caresses.
Her voice, in a whisper, like swish of the ocean.
Her kiss, breathing bliss, from her heart’s deep devotion.
The sound of sweet songbirds in woods gently shaded.
The locks of my true love, by beauty all braided.
Those days of winged wonder I’ll yearn for forever.
From here to eternity, I’ll rue them never!
Comments
Alex Tanner
Sun, 2023-01-22 06:25
Loved It
Loved it, no more need I say.. Alex
Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-01-22 08:40
those days...
Many thanks Alex
KBloor
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-01-22 07:30
Well then
Loved it. Every word.
Tim
Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-01-22 08:40
those days...
Many thanks, Tim
KBloor
Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-01-22 08:41
those days...
Many thanks, E.
KBloor
Geezer
Sun, 2023-01-22 09:54
The title...
defintely brought me in.
Your language use is good and I love the rhythm, it is perfect!
The pace is good and keeps up with the mood all the way through.
The theme is well-worn, but fresh in your work. The beginning is good,
following theme all the way through with a good ending.
[It does seem just a tiny, teenie bit forced]. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Sun, 2023-01-22 12:50
those days...
Many thanks, Geezer. Yeah, I agree with you about the forced rhyme - you did mean the rhyme? Rhyme is so so difficult to not force. I'm addicted to it though, so I'll have to work it out. Again, many thanks for reading my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
Geezer
Sun, 2023-01-22 13:46
Not poor little...
by any means! Yes, I meant the rhyme. Sometimes, it is difficult to make a line say what you want it to, and not sound forced.
It was not extremely evident, but noticeable. I'm sure that you will find a way to do it! I am not blameless myself; sometimes I am left with such a line and find it hard to do, so that it doesn't sound forced. Someday, I will go back and work over all the lines that I left in frustration. LoL If you haven't noticed, I am addicted to rhyme myself. I go off and do a different pattern once in a while or some free verse, but mostly the same rhyme pattern. I love the easy way that the rhythm lends itself to a smooth performance. Good luck with that line, but I am sure that you will find a way. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-01-22 14:10
Those Days of Winged Wonder
Hello!
This feels so honest and sincere. A true love poem, which I find hard to do without simplifying too much, or being too dramatic. This is gentle, and flows freely.
Thank you!
L
Blue-eyed Bolla
Mon, 2023-01-23 02:32
those days...
Many thanks, L. I have performed this poem and that seems to help with the meter and flow, Glad you liked.
KBloor
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-22 14:49
dear Blue-Eyed Bola,
my favorite lines are:
The damp, diamond dew drops: her tears that I’ll treasure.
Her light-hearted laughter, her smile of pure pleasure.
The bright balm-filled breezes, the nectar from kisses:
My mouth, on this morning, so madly it misses!
it is how I talk! sort of inside-out. I find your poetry both attractive and charming. please don't change?! it is your style that is unique
*hugs, and respect, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.