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Senryu Quartet...
Flowers bloom and fade
in her heart was a desert
the rain did not come
He was well aware
a wind blew into his life
she was ever there
His hand brought her hope
she drank from his love blossom
her mind opened up
They fled the desert
drinking in the cool water
he brought food for thought
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Just a few senryu, to appease a curious cat. LoL
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
New York State - USA
Favorite Poets
Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-06-22 10:37
dearest Geezer,
LOL, on your last few words! I don't think I can choose favorite lines as they are all so stunningly great!!! I asked and you delivered... and yes...He brought food for thought (as did you) I love it and want to think on it a bit...as Arnold S. says "I'll be back" hee hee
ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 13:04
Thank you for...
your always support and everlasting thirst. [Must be the desert]. New Killer coming soon , not sure of when, just soon. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2022-06-22 14:11
Lol, Geez,
you are very welcome! looking forward to killer's contribution to the madness! all in good time...
*hugs, Cat
His hand brought her hope
she drank from his love blossom
her mind opened up
okay...I couldn't resist, so sue me...
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 13:01
Thank you...
I took your advice on the capping of the following lines, I agree with that deletion of the [es] on rains too.
The aware and there rhyme stands!
~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 18:28
I've never...
seen a rule against it! ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentJackweb
Wed, 2022-06-22 11:14
ROMEO AND JULIET!
It takes two to tango. This speaks of two lovers and I believe in every situation there will be away out. Real love never quits. It takes patience and love to build a relationship.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 13:06
Yes...
lovers can always find a way. Sometimes, it's to the detriment of their well-being, but yes, they can find the way. ~ Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentObadiah Grey
Wed, 2022-06-22 14:59
I believe this is better than
I believe this is better than you think it is, geez.
I like the almost inadvertent rhyme, assonance, and consonance.
Yeah, its a good 'un !
Obi.
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 18:32
Thank you...
I enjoyed the writing of it, and yes, the rhyme was inadvertent, because I do it all the time and it was just there. LoL
It slipped right out from under my four- finger typing. Ha, ha. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2022-06-22 15:30
Well done.
Effortless read. It’s really quite spectacular. There are several layers of longing that are all resolved. It’s kinda perfect.
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 18:45
I don't know...
about perfect, but I'll accept the praise! Thank you; I like venturing off my beaten path now and then. A request from one of my
favorite people here. Senryu and Haiku help with slimming down my regular style of works. I get to think about how to make short and concise lines, with the fewest words possible. Of course, that doesn't always apply; sometimes, I need to show more action when I write "Killer" poems or stories about characters I have in my head. Then I have to set the scene and use more words to describe the action. Hopefully, I'll have a "Killer" write soon. I'm working on one now. ~ Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2022-06-22 19:27
Perception
Think of perfection as a fluid state. Things can be perfect for a moment but not their entire existence. Right reader, right time of day perhaps?
Geezer
Wed, 2022-06-22 19:38
Yes...
a very philosophical reply. I like the way you think.~ Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
author commentLord Barham
Thu, 2022-06-23 22:11
I shouldn't have stayed away so long!
I'm glad I have come back to NeoPoet! I am discovering some great poets on here. I left a few years ago after a chapbook thing I submitted to someone or other was rejected because I had posted it on a blog. It seems, fascist editors dislike that sort of thing. Now I'm back and enjoying everything I have read so far, including this poem of yours! This is a fascinating and intriguing piece of work and quite different from your ballad about Killer.