Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Where is When...
Where do you go?
I want to know;
if the same you
comes back each time?
Lost forever, time after time,
the minutes, days or weeks.
You don't remember being somewhere else.
How does one get back from here?
Listen close for clues,
to find your way alone.
No one notices how lost we really are,
French horns in "our music"
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
New York State - USA
Favorite Poets
Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-02-26 08:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Where is When..." presents a contemplative exploration of time and identity. The use of rhetorical questions in the first and second stanzas effectively engages the reader and encourages them to ponder the same queries.
The imagery of "French horns in 'our music'" is intriguing, but its meaning is somewhat ambiguous. It might be beneficial to provide more context or explanation to help the reader understand its significance in the context of the poem.
The poem could also benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality and flow. Currently, the rhythm varies from line to line, which can disrupt the reader's engagement.
The theme of time is introduced in the second stanza with "Lost forever, time after time, the minutes, days or weeks." However, this theme could be further developed and woven more intricately throughout the poem to strengthen its impact.
Overall, the poem's exploration of existential questions is compelling, but it could be enhanced with clearer imagery, a more consistent rhythm, and a deeper exploration of its central theme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-02-27 09:12
Dear Gee,
I often wonder on the same things. I am glad you updated it as it brought it to the top. my favorite lines are:
Listen close for clues,
to find your way alone.
No one notices how lost we really are,
French horns in "our music"
I feel the discordant notes of the French Horn!
I liked your title, it fits. the poem stirs my emotions.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
MermaidMaster
Tue, 2024-02-27 10:38
Agreed
I agree with Cat! Your poem stirs up my emotions as well. Thanks for sharing Geezer!
-MM
<3
Obadiah Grey
Tue, 2024-02-27 12:32
(I'm hoping that my next time
(I'm hoping that my next time around I will be a Lobster!)
The AI seems to be getting a little better,
but she should have stopped after
"French horns in 'our music'" is intriguing,"
I like this Geez, its a good 'un.
Obi.
Geezer
Tue, 2024-02-27 21:27
Cat, Obi and M.M. ...
I find it intriguing that you three, get the significance of the French Horns. I hoped that it would be apparent. I have always known that we all have our own music. It must be that you have listened to the Bill Cosby albums about "Fat Albert" and the gang, as have I. The music that plays in our heads, when we are about our daily lives. Mine has French horns; I think they are present in all the major movie scores. At least the great ones. Thank you all for being interested enough to comment on this one. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2024-02-28 07:29
Dear Geezer,
The music of my head has a wailing tenor saxophone ;) it is rough when a migraine hits!
I think the message was clear enough. one of your best.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Wed, 2024-02-28 22:07
Where Is When...
Hi, Geezer,
This gives me the sensation of a deja vu experience. Interesting idea about "our music." I think mine is a cello...
Thank you!
L
Leslie
Wed, 2024-03-06 06:48
Geezer
These are my thoughts. To find where you are going and how to get back. You have to look around at the basics of how things work and ask yourself hard questions. When families are broken and sensitivities are strong, it takes much introspection
to find the place in which you are comfortable spending time. Nonethless I believe that we all will arrive at a peaceful venue.
Great writing although these are tough questions.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!