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What my best friend gave me-A Friendship Rose Bloom

Submitted by Hon on Sat, 2024-03-16 00:25

A lovely radiant rose
you are my dearest friend
that I come to know
with the exquisite beauty

In the splendor view
of the green growing field
with the soft petal touch
of the blooming flourish

That never ceases to exude
with its vibrant color
that you bring to share
with your uplifting spirit soul

An elegant poise smile
and amicable personality
that captures with hope and joy
through the darkness of time

A spectacular rosebud of
a friendship that grows
through the nurturing
of plant seeds bonded together

Despite the bitterness of cold
and stormy weather, it stays survive
with the sharp prickle thorn
of its strength that symbolizes

That it stands out from the crowd
carry on with a gracious display kind
that embrace with sincerity
through eternity

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
03/24: What My Best Friend Gave Me
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-03-16 06:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "What my best friend gave me-A Friendship Rose Bloom", uses the metaphor of a rose to describe the beauty and resilience of friendship. This metaphor is well-chosen and provides a strong central theme that is maintained throughout the poem.

However, there are some areas that could be improved. The poem's syntax and grammar are sometimes inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and confuse the reader. For example, the line "it stays survive" would be clearer if written as "it survives" or "it stays alive".

The poem also tends to tell rather than show. Instead of stating that the rose (and by extension, the friend) has an "amicable personality", it would be more effective to describe actions or characteristics that demonstrate this personality.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more varied and complex imagery. While the rose metaphor is effective, it is somewhat overused and becomes repetitive. Adding other images or metaphors could add depth and interest to the poem.

Overall, the poem has a strong central theme and a clear message, but could benefit from improvements in syntax, show vs. tell, and imagery.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Sat, 2024-03-16 17:25

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Hello, Hon,
You've captured the warm and wonderful feelings we experience when receiving or looking at a rose in bloom. Beautiful poetry.
Thank you,
L

Tawny023

Thu, 2024-03-21 22:02

I loved in the beginning the beautiful imagery of a rose and as it went on and by the end there was depth in the description of the rosebud resilience.
One word I was a little unsure
Exude
Maybe change to amaze
Never cease to amaze

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