Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Five percent battery-A Field Trip Road

A field trip road
take a mind to
a great adventure
on a hot summer visit
filter by the radiant sun
carrying through the day
singing along the way
with the anticipation
traveling to the desert state
to the Grand Canyon statues
in a slow-motion ride
with a sightseeing glimpse
of mesmerizing scenery
tall, strenuous mountains
deep climbing cliff steps
red built thick layer skins
with the display of height
showcase of own strength
of the strong image portray
under the azure vast sky
with the admiration
of the spectacular view
instilled with the impression
of a sensational beauty
My heart is beating hard
as I say farewell to this place
to discover that my car is filled
with an empty low-gas task
a smell of smoking engine
and a five percent battery left
a situation not to feel panic
stay calm and ask for help

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "A Five percent battery-A Field Trip Road" presents a vivid journey through a desert state, culminating in a moment of crisis when the narrator discovers their car is low on gas and battery. The poem effectively uses descriptive language to create a sense of place and atmosphere, particularly in its depiction of the "Grand Canyon statues" and the "tall, strenuous mountains".

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and inconsistent rhythm can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow of the narrative. Consider revising the poem with a consistent meter in mind, which can help to create a more rhythmic, musical quality.

Additionally, the poem's transition from the scenic journey to the moment of crisis feels abrupt. The final lines introduce a new situation - the car's low gas and battery - but this is not foreshadowed or built up to in the preceding lines. This sudden shift can be jarring for the reader. Consider introducing hints or indications of this impending crisis earlier in the poem, which can help to build tension and anticipation.

Finally, the poem's language can sometimes feel overly formal or abstract, which can distance the reader from the narrative. For example, phrases like "filter by the radiant sun" and "with the display of height" are somewhat unclear and could be made more concrete and specific. Consider revising these lines to use more straightforward, sensory language, which can help to draw the reader into the poem's world.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.