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Twins

Submitted by Clentin on Tue, 2023-04-11 09:15

When I was born I saw my double
Never thought about much trouble

Entered school feeling happy to start
To find that we were always apart

Every year we were often compared
Rarely a day when we were spared

Every test was under review
Checking each score without due

Who was the better sport
Every time on the court

Who was fatter
Did it matter

Always viewed as a pair
In every move without a care

Now we are old and can say
That we are not the same today

Twins are different but much the same
And always had a different name

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-04-11 09:15

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem explores the experience of being a twin, from the initial realization of a double to the constant comparison throughout life. The rhyme scheme creates a light and playful tone, which contrasts with the emotional weight of being constantly compared to someone else. The use of rhetorical questions and repetition emphasizes the frustration and weariness that comes with being seen as a unit rather than two separate individuals.

One suggested line edit: "Who was fatter/Did it matter" could be revised to "Who was thinner/Did it win her" to maintain the rhyme while adding more depth to the comparison.

Overall, this poem effectively captures the complexities of being a twin, but could benefit from more concrete imagery to create a stronger emotional impact. The final lines offer a hopeful message about embracing individuality, but could be strengthened with more specific examples of the differences between the twins.

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Rula

Tue, 2023-04-11 09:35

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Absolutely like this one. Much enjoyed each line and the closing lines are especially my favorite.
Thank you for sharing.

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Geezer

Tue, 2023-04-11 09:38

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I can offer from the AI. Seems as though you might make more of an effort to make differences in yourselves stand out, but the AI has already said that.
Geezer.
.

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