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The Trap

The temperature had risen, there was tension in the air,
The words he spoke in anger still echoed everywhere...
She locked the door and went to bed but didn’t sleep a wink,
“What the hell is wrong with me” was all that she could think...

He used to call her ‘beautiful’, he made her feel his love,
She thought he was a gift to her sent down from up above...
Now the tears are streaming down her face, her eye is swollen shut,
Her arm is bruised and sore and her bottom lip is cut...

He’ll call her in the morning just like any other day,
“You know I love you baby” is all that he will say...
“I’ll come over for a visit and we’ll try to turn the page,
And maybe you’ll explain to me why you put me in this rage...”

Deep inside she knows she doesn’t love him anymore,
But she’ll give him one more chance again just like she has before...
He’ll come through the door with some flowers and some wine,
And maybe for a day or two things will be just fine...

That’s the way it goes my friend in cases of abuse,
You can try your best to fix it but it isn’t any use...
To waste your precious time would be a real shame,
You know it’s not your fault but he’ll never take the blame...

If you were just a little prettier and maybe cut your hair,
Gave up on all your family, told your friends you didn’t care...
He’ll take away your confidence and tell you that you’re lazy,
Degrade you and embarrass you, convince everyone you’re crazy…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Trap" is a powerful narrative that addresses the serious and sensitive issue of domestic abuse. The use of rhyming couplets throughout the poem provides a rhythmic structure that carries the reader along the narrative.

The poem effectively uses direct speech to convey the manipulative nature of the abuser, which adds a layer of realism to the narrative. This technique helps to emphasize the emotional manipulation that often accompanies physical abuse, which is an important aspect of the issue that is not always addressed in discussions about domestic violence.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The last stanza seems to shift the perspective from the victim to a generalized audience. This shift is a bit jarring and detracts from the personal narrative that has been established in the previous stanzas. It might be more effective to maintain the focus on the victim's experience throughout the entire poem.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. While the straightforward language does contribute to the poem's raw and powerful tone, the use of more descriptive language could help to create a more vivid picture of the victim's experience. For example, instead of stating directly that "her eye is swollen shut," the poem could describe the physical effects of the abuse in more detail to create a more impactful image.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the victim's emotional state. While the poem does touch on the victim's feelings of confusion and fear, it could delve deeper into the psychological effects of abuse. This could be achieved through the use of more complex metaphors or through the inclusion of more introspective moments.

Overall, "The Trap" is a powerful poem that effectively addresses a serious issue, but it could be improved through the use of more varied language and imagery, a more consistent perspective, and a deeper exploration of the victim's emotional state.

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Hit on a very personal level. It was like staring into a mirror and having parts of my life on replay. Well done! The content, flow and language were very good.


The tempo, rhythm and flow make this poem exceptional as does the subject matter.
It was delivered in the format of story with truths scattered across every line.
Fantastic poem, I really enjoyed your language and rhyme. Ruby :)

Commenting on poetry builds community, confidence, and comprehension. :)

So powerful, and well written. Perfect title. I might be tempted to switch stanza 5 and stanza 6 around - stanza 5 has a pretty potent final line. This is very strong.
Thank you,

That’s a great point, I hadn’t considered before you pointed it out and now it seem so obvious… thank you

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