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Returning Home
He didn’t take a bullet,
Didn’t step upon a mine...
His body’s still intact,
And he appears to be just fine...
But inside his heart and soul,
Things weren’t as they appeared
His family and his friends,
All think he’s gotten weird...
But there’s now a major hole,
Where his humour used to be...
He’s had two tours of duty,
Or maybe it was three?
He doesn’t sleep at night,
And his days are full of dread...
He can’t shake away the images,
That keep playing in his head...
So treat him with respect,
If you meet him on the street...
Maybe take him out to supper,
He still has pride so be discreet...
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
Written for Remembrance Day 2023
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-11-20 22:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Returning Home" explores the internal struggles of a soldier who has experienced the trauma of war. The use of concise and straightforward language effectively conveys the emotional impact of the soldier's experiences. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
Firstly, consider expanding on the soldier's emotional state. While the poem mentions that the soldier's heart and soul are affected, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the specific emotions he is grappling with. This would allow readers to empathize more fully with his internal turmoil.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more vivid and descriptive imagery. By incorporating sensory details and specific examples, you can paint a more vivid picture of the soldier's experiences and the impact they have had on him. This would help to further engage the reader and enhance the emotional resonance of the poem.
Lastly, the poem could explore the theme of societal perception and the challenges faced by veterans returning home. By delving into the reactions of the soldier's family
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Tue, 2023-11-21 20:55
Returning Home
An honorable tribute. Very dignified and well written.
Thank you for sharing this.
L
Stevo
Wed, 2023-11-22 13:04
Thank you
Thank you
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2023-11-22 09:54
Dear Stevo.
He didn’t take a bullet,
Didn’t step upon a mine...
His body’s still intact,
And he appears to be just fine...
With PTSD (post traumatic shock/stress disorder) the subject or victim appears just fine: no visible scars. they are all on the inside. That person is as wounded as a paraplegic maybe even more so... for he/she usually cannot find the words to explain what they think or how they feel.
Family and friends have no idea what this person has lived through and only physically survived!
an excellent poem you have crafted. It is very nice to meet you. I hope to read more of your work in the future. welcome to Neopoet. I hope youhave found a poetic home here.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Stevo
Wed, 2023-11-22 12:52
Thank you very much
Thank you very much
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